Posts Tagged With: funny

Blogging is hard …

I have literally spent the last hour sitting at my keyboard, attempting to write this post. Each time I get halfway through a post, I decide it’s stupid and then delete it and start over. Sigh.

Since I apparently have nothing intelligent to say, I suppose I’ll settle for giving a brief life update. You can barely contain your excitement, can’t you? CAN’T YOU?

So I got a call from Manpower (the temp agency) yesterday, and today I started a new job at a major Canadian bank, the name of which I cannot disclose on pain of a death most gruesome. It’s a 2-3 week gig, depending on how fast we get the project done, and (again, not going into details) basically involves data entry. But the challenging kind, where you need to actually pay attention to what you’re doing, solve problems, try to suss out what the scribbled writing and blank mandatory fields are trying to tell you, etc.

It’s at a bank, so I have to wear nice clothing. I’ve spent the last eight months or so wearing sweat pants (They’re comfy! Don’t judge!), so this was a new and exciting step for me. Needless to say, I felt very fancy today.

In non-work related news, my mother recently had her friend from Florida over to visit for the weekend, so I was booted from my room and took up residence on the couch. That was … fun?

I’m still waiting for my Return Evaluation to come back for Imminent Danger. It’s been about 9 business days now, and I’m getting kind of impatient. And by impatient, I mean obsessively checking my email, even at times of the day when it is completely unreasonable for someone to be contacting me. I really want to see my evaluation, if only to learn whether or not I have to fork over two grand for a copy-edit.

This concludes my rambling. It is 10:30 now, and I must go prepare for bed if I want to have time to watch Glee before I go to bed. Yes, I watch Glee. I’m a girl. It’s allowed.

Update: I spent too much time finding videos to share with you. It is now 11 pm. No Glee for me.

 

Unrelated media of the day:

Jeggings are silly. Enjoy.

 

Female warriors’ outfits in video games are also silly. Enjoy.

 

And, finally, some sports fails to round out the hilarity.

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Yarrr! Celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Ahoy, matey! Yarr! Codswallop! Rum!

Okay, that’s basically all the pirate speak I know.

Anyway, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I didn’t know much about it, so I checked out the site, and it turns out that you can donate there to various charities. These charities presumably have to do with talking like pirates, although I think they’re stretching — what does “regional support networks” have to do with looting and pillaging? Arrgh!

I have not personally written anything about pirates before, although I have seen some humorous pirate-themed media. I shall share these assorted media with you now, thus may we better embrace the ideologies of International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Yarrr!

Lazy Town – You Are A Pirate

Cosmo Jarvis – Gay Pirates

ARRR!

Pirate Scrabble

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Ultimate Fanfiction Challenge

Okay people, in honour of my first day of 9-5 work, I have created the:

Here are the rules:

1. Write a short fanfiction about ANYTHING you want — the goal here is to get as ridiculous as humanly possible. Oh, and you should probably keep it fairly clean — or at least make sure to put a rating on it before inquisitive young minds read your Snape/Dobby/Katniss orgy fic and are scarred for life.

2. Post it in the comments below, or on your blog, or wherever the heck you like. Just make sure you let me know so I can read it!

3. If you like the idea, share the ULTIMATE FANFICTION CHALLENGE on your own blog. Hopefully it will catch on, and WordPress will be swamped by thousands of terrible, mind-bogglingly twisted fanfictions in the next few weeks. Fingers crossed!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For my entry into the ULTIMATE FANFICTION CHALLENGE, I give you:

The Boy and his Cake

Fandom: Hunger Games

Pairing: Peeta / Cake

Rating: R (sort of …?)

It had been months since the Hunger Games, but Peeta knew that even though his body had escaped the arena, his mind never would. His nights were tormented by images of Katniss dying. Peeta always tried to save her, but he never could. He woke up screaming every morning, long before the sun rose, and nothing could get him to fall back asleep.

After awakening from a particularly horrific nightmare in which Katniss had been ripped apart by mutts, Peeta stumbled out of his room and down to the kitchen for a glass of water. But when he turned on the kitchen light, he was astonished by what he found sitting on the counter. It was a huge cake, five layers tall, and two feet in diameter.

“What do we have here?” Peeta murmured, approaching the cake. It was made of chocolate batter, but there was something missing. “You poor thing,” he murmured, reaching out to gently caress the spongy cake. “Your maker forgot to ice you. Don’t worry, I can fix you. I’ll make you feel better than you’ve ever felt before.”

Driven by his newfound purpose, Peeta rummaged through the drawers and pulled out the ingredients to make delicious chocolate icing. He mixed it all together in a huge wooden bowl, accidentally covering himself in icing sugar in the process.

Dipping a wide spatula into the bowl of icing, Peeta carefully began to ice the near-side of the cake. “Your curves are so soft, so round,” Peeta whispered, tracing the spatula lovingly along the cake. “I could just eat you up. But you wouldn’t like that, would you? You want the person who eats you to take it slow, really savour the experience. I can do that for you, cake. I can be that man.”

He ran the icing-coated spatula round and round the cake, moving faster and faster as he moved up the layers. By the time he reached the topmost layer, he was panting from his efforts. “Just a little longer,” he gasped. “Almost there …”

Finally he reached the tip of the cake, finishing off the icing with a sultry swirl. Then Peeta collapsed back against the sink, breathing raggedly and clutching the spatula in an iron grip.

There was only one thing left to do. Drawing forth a knife, Peeta carefully sliced off a piece of the chocolate confection. After the first taste, his eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned in ecstasy. “Oh my god,” Peeta groaned. “I’ve never felt this fulfilled before, you insatiable chocolate temptress.”

“Eat some more,” the cake replied, “and you’ll see how insatiable I can be.”

It suddenly occurred to Peeta that maybe he should have attended those Capitol-appointed psychiatric appointments after all.

Random Video of the Day:

The song itself is kind of bad. The video, however, is hysterical.

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Q and A with Voldemort

I got this idea from From Under a Rock‘s post, in which he shares a Character Questionnaire he got from Tumblr. I’m stressed out from cutting down my manuscript (although it’s actually going really well — now at 109k words! Woo!), so I decided to have some fun today.

Thus, without further ado: Q&A with Voldemort

Disclaimer: I don’t own Voldemort. JK Rowling, and possibly Warner Bros, owns everything Harry Potter-related. This is just for fun. Please don’t sue!

Hi, Voldemort, welcome to the blog. How are you feeling today?

Insolent muggle! What am I doing here? How did you break through my defences and transport me here without my knowledge? I will kill you for this!

Chill, V-man. I just want to ask you a few questions. Cool?

My body temperature is irrelevant to the current situation. Ask your questions quickly, that I might all the sooner have Nagini feed on your corpse.

Alrighty. So these questions are taken from the Character Questionnaire mentioned above. Ready?

Surely there can be no worse hell than this.

What would you do if a friend turned on you?

I do not have friends. I have only enemies, and minions.

Right, but if you *had* a friend, and they turned on you, what would you do?

Hmm. First I would have Bellatrix torture them with the Cruciatus curse for a few days, to extract information on why they would dare to betray me. Then I would kill them.

What would you do if your enemy started being nice to you?

I would have Bellatrix torture them with the Cruciatus curse for a few days, to extract information on why they are acting so strangely. Then I would kill them.

I’m starting to sense a pattern here.

Foolish muggle! How dare you attempt to comprehend the full extent of my brilliance!

My bad. Okay: what would you do if you were permanently crippled?

De-cripple myself. I am a Dark Lord of ungodly magical might. Re-attaching limbs to stumps is child’s play.

Fair enough. How about if you became president?

I would exterminate all the muggle and half bloods, and re-make the world in my image. I would devise a spell to give all snakes human-level intelligence, and they would be my lieutenants of evil. Also, Fridays would be made part of the weekend.

If you had a stand-up comedy routine, what would be your opening joke?

Avada Kedavra.

What would you do if music you didn’t like was playing?

I would destroy the source of the music. If the source was a person, I would have Bellatrix torture them with the–

Got it. What would you do if a stranger kissed you?

Avada Kedavra.

You’re a sad, lonely man, aren’t you?

My parents abandoned me in an orphanage as a small child. You do the math.

Isn’t “math” a muggle concept? Don’t you mean “arithmancy”?

Ask the next question, ingrate!

Yeah, yeah. Okay. What would you do if you heard a nearby scream?

Did I directly or indirectly cause the scream to happen?

No.

Then I would ignore it. Unless I recognized it as belonging to one of my Death Eaters, in which case I would investigate the possible intrusion into my evil lair.

That’s unexpectedly thoughtful of you, going to your minion’s aide.

Allow me to clarify: I would destroy the intruder, and then teach my incompetent, screaming Death Eater a lesson by having Bellatrix tor–

I retract my observation. All right. If you saw someone getting mugged–

I would ignore them.

If you found a wallet on the ground?

I would destroy it. Wizards do not carry wallets, thereby making it muggle, and all things muggle must be purged.

I’m pretty sure wizards have wallets. Where would they carry their galleons?

The affairs of lesser beings are none of my concern.

Okay. Here’s one that’s out of the box. If you went to a convention, and found someone dressed up as you, what would you do?

I do not know what a “convention” is. However, if I were to find a look-a-like of myself, I would assume they had taken Polyjuice Potion. I would also be extremely suspicious as to how they had acquired a piece of my genetic material. I would have Bellatrix torture every Death Eater in my employ until the traitor was discovered, and then–

Don’t tell me — have your snake eat them alive?

… Yes. How did you know?

I can read your mind. Moving on. What would you do if a baby in a basket was placed on your doorstep?

Is the baby Harry Potter?

No.

Does it look like it has the potential to become an incredibly powerful dark wizard, if I were to raise the child as my own and teach it everything I know?

Sure.

Then I would kill it. I intend to live forever, and I don’t want a rival to my throne.

Okay, last question. What would you do if a stranger complimented you on your looks?

WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?

I didn’t imply any–

YOU DARE TO INSULT MY APPEARANCE? PERHAPS BY MUGGLE STANDARDS, MY “SNAKE NOSE” AND PALE GREY SKIN MIGHT NOT BE CONSIDERED THE HEIGHT OF CURRENT BEAUTY STANDARDS, BUT I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT BELLATRIX PREFERS THE NEW ME, SHE SAID SO HERSELF, AND SHE WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME BECAUSE SHE KNOWS I WOULD KILL HER OTHERWISE!

Well, that sounds like a healthy relationship.

YOU MOCK ME FOR THE LAST TIME! AVADA KED–

BLAM.

W-what? What just happened? Why is there a piece of metal lodged in my chest? Why am I leaking blood? Why do I feel faint?

I’m a muggle. I get to use guns.

… Curses.

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , | 14 Comments

Learn Latin 101 — Verb Basics

I was going through my bookshelf last night, looking for a new book to read (I ended up reading Naruto fanfiction on my tablet — don’t judge me!!!), and I discovered:

Well, technically mine is the 6th edition, but it’s basically the same thing. Right? Right???

This has inspired me to start a series of posts about Latin — aka learning how to write/read the Romans’ unnecessarily complicated language. And we’re talking unnecessary. I took Latin for two years in university, and despite forgetting pretty much everything I learned, I still remember that it was a bloody difficult subject. Also, I appear to have turned British.

So without further ado, I present to you:

Learn Latin 101 — Verb Basics

So in Latin, you have to conjugate verbs. This is true for most languages. Today we’re doing basic present tense. Observe:

                                    Singular            Plural

1st person                   -o                      -mus

2nd person                 -s                       -tis

3rd person                  -t                       -nt

Right. Those were verb endings, by the way. If you walk around saying “o! t! mus!”, people will think you’re crazy.

So, let’s apply this to a verb. The verb “to love” is amare (pronounced ah-mah-ray). First, we chop off the ending (the “re”). That leaves us with “ama”. Now, we stick on the conjugated endings. This gives us:

amo = I love (not ama-o, because that sounds stupid)

amas = You love

amat = He/she loves

amamus = We love

amatis = They love

amant = You (plural) love

Confused yet? Don’t be! This is literally the easiest part of Latin! Now, I feel the best way to learn a new language is to use it in my daily speech. Therefore, whenever you speak from now on and mention loving something, I suggest you use the Latin word instead. Examples:

Oh my god! Those shoes are adorable! Amo!

Amas me, dontcha? DONTCHA??!

Amatis cheese. They are fools.

Etcetera. In our next Learn Latin 101 post, we will learn why 90% of what I just taught you is horribly incorrect. (Spoiler alert: Latin verbs go at the end of a sentence, not the beginning).

For teh lulz:

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Musings on dialogue tags

Floccinaucinihilipilificate: to describe or regard something as worthless.

Today’s topic is dialogue tags. In case you haven’t heard this phrase before, a dialogue tag is the “he said” or “she screamed” that goes after a line of dialogue. For example:

“I love you,” she said.

“But our love will never be,” he said.

“How do you know that?” she demanded. “We’re made for each other!”

“No, we aren’t!” he cried. “You’re a human being, and I’m chocolate pudding! The only thing you’re meant for is to eat me!”

“But I don’t even like chocolate!” she wailed.

Etcetera, etcetera. Now, here’s the dilemma. Using only “he said” and “she said” is boring, because they aren’t always just speaking in their normal voices. Sometimes the character needs to bellow, or mutter, or exclaim–it’s like reading an essay otherwise. For example:

“Please don’t kill me!” she said.

“I will consume your flesh and then make love to your extended family,” he said.

“You monster!” she said.

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” he said. “You’re a Lady Gaga fan.”

On the other hand, when a story is riddled down in fancy verbs, the writing gets bogged down. For example:

“Uncle Fred passed away last night,” she bemoaned.

“I had no idea!” he exploded. “How are you?”

“As well as can be, considering,” she ruminated. “Did Dad mention anything?”

“Of course my Dad didn’t say anything,” he belittled. “He’s dead. I’m your cousin, remember?”

I guess the trick is finding a balance between the two. But what’s the right percentage? 60% said, 40% fancy verbs? 30/70? 90/20, if you have poor math skills?

Imminent Danger (my book) is probably about 50/50. My characters get into a lot of emotional situations, so they need emotional dialogue tags. And short of sticking adverbs onto my “he said”s and “she said”s, the only way I can really see to do that is by using fancy verbs.

What’s your fancy verb/said percentage? Extra points if you use poor math skills.

Silly video of the day:

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Am I legally allowed to win the One Lovely Blog award 3 times?

Apparently, yes, I am. Thank you so much to Candace Knoebel, Andrew Toynbee, and Bishop the Reviewer for nominating me for the:

Yay! I feel so … awarded. And lovely! And unless parallel dimensions exist, I’ve got the “one” aspect pretty much covered as well. Huzzah!

Right. On to the next part of the award — seven things about myself. Although by this point you probably know more about me than I do …

1) The most delicious thing I have ever eaten was barbecued meat at my soccer team’s victory party about ten years ago. I don’t know what the meat was (possibly pork?), or what our coach did to make it so delicious (ritual sacrifice?), but I have been dreaming of that unidentified barbecued meat ever since.

2) I wear glasses, and they are a very high prescription. I enjoy giving my glasses to people who have perfect vision, and watching as they try on my glasses, reel backwards in shock, and say, “This is how you see?!!”

3) I am currently watching a Korean Drama entitled “Boys Before Flowers”. It revolves around four hot, rich guys at a private school who meet and (some of whom) fall in love with a common girl who teaches them about life, love, etc. It’s a soap opera in every sense of the phrase, but I enjoy it because it’s a fun insight into Korean culture. Click here to watch a fanmade trailer for it.

4) My current favourite song is Spiderweb by Haley Reinhart.

5) My brother recently fractured his wrist. While waiting for him to get his cast at the hospital, I composed an epic 3-act play for my mother’s birthday, entitled, “Mama’s Magical Madventure”.

6) I mispronounce the word “disciple”. I can say it correctly when talking about the disciples of Jesus (dis-eye-pull), but any other time, I pronounce it “dis-ih-pull”.

7) I am a recovered WoW addict. Now the Mists of Pandaria expansion is coming out, and I can already feel it trying to pull me back in. I must resist!

Okay, nomination time. Tighten your seatbelts!

Amanda Leigh

Antoinette M

Maya Panika

Erin Elizabeth Long

A. Christine

Pigeon Weather Productions

Phew. Awards are a lot of work. Seriously though, check those blogs out, they’re awesome.

And now, for your amusement:

Don’t forget to turn off the annotations. Or leave them on. I’m not the boss of you.

Categories: Blog-related | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

3D Food Printers? Super hot guy cast in City of Bones? Sign me up!

The title of this post might have clued you in to the fact that today’s topic has nothing to do with writing, or self-publishing, or any of that good stuff. Instead, I will share with you a super-cool new technology I found out about, as well as several pictures of Godfrey Gao (aka the super hot actor cast as Magnus Bane in the upcoming City of Bones movie). Oh, and at the end, I will reveal undeniable (read: ridiculous) proof that God exists.

To begin: 3D Food Printers? Really?

First off, I will direct you to this website. What you will find there is a series of machines which are essentially food printers. I didn’t know such a thing was possible, at least, not outside of sci-fi movies. Clearly I was wrong.

Digital Chocolatier Prototype

The Digital Chocolatier is a prototype for a machine that allows users to quickly design, assemble and taste different chocolate candies. This machine is composed of three primary elements: a carousel of ingredients, a thermoelectric deposition cup and a user interface. Through a graphical user interface, users can select and combine the ingredients housed in the different carousel containers to create customized candies. The carousel rotates to extrude these ingredients into the thermoelectric cup that rapidly cools and hardens the chocolate, making it ready for consumption. The interface also makes it possible to save and rate favorite recipes for later use.

That’s … insanely awesome.

Yes, yes it is. And here’s an example of what it can make:

Mouth … watering …

They also have a few machines that can make actual meals. I would feel safe buying the Chocolatier, because you can’t really go wrong with chocolate, but once you start printing out lasagna, I just don’t know how good it could realistically taste. And I wonder how they’d get the texture right, if they’re squirting the ingredients out of tubes?

Still, interesting food for thought.

Hot guy time 

If you haven’t read Cassandra Clare’s City of Bones, and you have any interest in YA fiction, you should definitely check it out. It’s a fantastic read, and there are currently 4 sequels and 2 prequels, so the fun never ends. Except when you run out of books, and then the fun does end.

Anyway, one of the characters in the book is Magnus Bane — aka the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He is possibly the coolest character in the book, and he now has an actor portraying him live on the silver screen: Godfrey Gao.

Here’s another one:

He seems to have some trouble smiling. There’s got to be a smiling picture somewhere … aha! Victory.

I think I’m so enchanted with this gentleman because he’s kind of how I pictured one of the characters in my novel to look (Varrin). Although my mental image of Varrin is constantly shifting, so I might have a completely different opinion in a few months. Regardless, if I could get Godfrey Gao to star in the movie adaptation of my novel, I would probably die of happiness.

And now for something completely different …

Image creds (in order of appearance): http://web.media.mit.edu/~marcelo/cornucopia/http://www.vancitybuzz.com/2011/04/godfrey-gao-vancouvers-louis-vuitton-model/http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/godfrey-gao?before=1342735719http://superadrianme.com/2012/07/01/godfrey-gao-launches-sk-ii-men-in-singapore/http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2906770/posts?page=5

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Be Still — Book Review

Me with my copy of Be Still!

The Book

“Be Still”

The Genre

Romantic Drama

The Author

Tania L. Ramos. This is her second novel, which is self-published through iUniverse. Check out her blog and her website for more information!

The Plot

Plastic surgeon Jack Silver thinks his life is perfect – until he loses his daughter and wife in a series of tragic events. A decade later, Jack discovers that he is dying. He desperately wants to reconnect with his estranged son Travis, but Travis wants nothing to do with his father. Enter Dr. Christina Amity, Jack’s protégé and dear friend, who strives to help father and son work out their issues before Jack’s disease claims him. But even as Christina and Travis grow closer, Jack finds himself inching towards death, drawn by what he thinks is the spirit of his dead wife. Will Jack make peace with his son before he rejoins his wife and daughter in the afterlife? Will the emotionally-damaged Travis ever find love? Read Be Still to find out!

The Review

Let me start by saying that, despite the genre of this book being the polar opposite of what I usually read, I really enjoyed Be Still. The plot was engaging and well thought out, the characters relatable and believable. It’s a tragic story that’s at the same time uplifting, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who likes the romance/drama genre.

I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t the hugest fan of Jack Silver. He basically gives up on living after his wife dies, withdrawing from the world and from his son, all of which really irked me. I have a hard time connecting with parent characters who emotionally abandon their children. At the same time, I totally understand why he did what he did because his plot arc was beautifully written, so even though I didn’t really like the character, Tania still got me to sympathize with him.

On the other hand, I loved Travis and Christina. Their romance is sweet, and realistic, and flawed, because when does love ever go smoothly? I actually found myself caring more about Jack because I was seeing him through Travis and Christina’s eyes, and it was bittersweet because their shared grief over his impending death is one of the things that brings them together.

I quite enjoyed Tania’s writing style. It flowed nicely, and it was very easy for me to lose myself in the story. One criticism I would make is that the description sometimes got a little flowery, but for all I know that’s the norm for this genre of writing. It certainly didn’t detract from the story, it just made me pause and think, “Goodness, that’s a lot of adverbs”.

The Rating

4 out of 5 stars, plus an “Awww!” factor of 8 puppies.

Remember that blog tour I mentioned?

If you have an excellent memory, you’ll remember that I’m participating in a blog tour next week – the blog tour of Tania L Ramos, to be specific, aka the author of Be Still! Whoa. Crazy coincidence, right? Anyway, here’s a reminder of the blog tour dates:

July 19 – http://katherinenader.tumblr.com

July 20 – http://nerdybookreviews.wordpresscom

July 21 – http://freebies4myfamily.blogspot.com/

July 22 – http://davidmcgowanauthor.com/

July 23 – https://michelleproulx.wordpress.com/ ((ME!))

July 24 – http://www.youtube.com/user/tramossnvvc/videos ((video blog))

Tania is also holding a sweepstakes right now, which can be viewed on her Facebook page. Basically, for every 100 books she sells by August 30th, she will donate a copy of her book to a high school of the winner’s choice. It only works for U.S. schools (something about foreign policy), and she promises to donate a book even if she doesn’t hit the 100 books sold mark. And if you’re poor like me and don’t want to buy a copy, you can still go to the Sweepstakes tab on the Facebook page and enter anyway.

So come back next Monday for my leg of the blog tour!

Tania will be writing a guest post about … about … okay, we really don’t know yet. If you have any ideas, sound off in the comments! She’s a self-published author, so maybe you have some questions you’d like her to answer? Just relay them in the comments section here and I’ll forward them to her.

Cute and addictive game:

http://www.silvergames.com/nyan-cat-lost-in-space

Categories: Book Reviews | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Amateur Writing Tips: POV (Point of View)

Plots and characters are undoubtedly important things to consider when writing a novel. I would argue, however, that POV is even more crucial. This is because if you screw up the POV, no one will even think about reading your book, regardless of how great the plot or characters are.

I’ll prove my point. Read the following paragraph:

You walk toward me, hips swaying as your silky black stilettos clack on the marble tiles. Bradley sits casually at the bar, considering what to say to the beautiful woman approaching him. She’s way too good for him, thinks the bartender. I eat up the luscious man lounging at the bar with my eyes. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender.

Has your brain exploded yet? That’s because of all the shifting POVs. For the record, the POVs in that paragraph went as follows: second-person → third-person → first-person → third-person. Ack, I say. Ack.

But there is a solution! I like to call it the “Know your POVs so you don’t explode your reader’s brain” solution. It’s my understanding that brain-explosion is frowned upon, so you might want to avoid doing that if at all possible.

Without any further ado …

Michelle’s Guide to POV

First Person

For first-person narration, you essentially write the story from the perspective of one of your characters. One of the best examples of this POV is in the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. The story is told from Katniss’ POV, meaning we only get her perspective. If something happens that she doesn’t know about, we don’t know about it either. First-person limits you to what a single character is experiencing, but it also allows you to delve deep into the mind of your protagonist, which can be a very powerful addition to your story.

Example:

I don’t know why, but there’s something about him that enthrals me. Maybe it’s his smooth skin and his tousled ebony hair. Maybe it’s the way he says my name, like smooth bourbon sliding over my lips. Maybe it’s because he’s a vampire who has literally enthralled me with his sinister vampiric powers. Whatever the reason, I know that I must have him. Right now. On the dirty concrete floor if necessary. Although a bed would be preferable. Pillows are probably more comfortable than concrete.

Second Person

Second-person narration is where you write like you’re talking to the reader–sort of like what I’m doing right now. You find second-person a lot in those Choose Your Own Adventure books, although Wikipedia claims that there are multiple famous authors who have used this POV. Clearly I need to read more, because I’ve only heard of one of those people. Anyway, second-person isn’t used very much in books, so you probably shouldn’t use it either. Unless you want to. In which case, go nuts. Just don’t expect me to read it.

Example:

You watch the wave flow gently up the beach. The cool water laps at your toes, making you shriek with delight and jump back. Then the wave retreats, and you scurry forward again, wondering how far you can get down the wet sand before the water returns to claim you. But you misjudged, and the wave rushes toward you, covering you up to your thighs. Your pants dissolve, and you are suddenly standing on the beach wearing nothing but your underwear. You probably shouldn’t have worn cotton candy pants to the beach, no matter how trendy the salesperson said they were.

Third Person

Third-person is the most common POV style. It’s told from an outside perspective, and all the characters are referred to by their name, or by “he”, “she”, or “it”. JK Rowling’s Harry Potter series is written in third person, as is the Game of Thrones series by George RR Martin.

The two big types of third-person POV are third-person limited and third-person omniscient. Third-person limited is from the perspective of one character; the third-person omniscient narrator knows all and sees all.

Example:

Harmony bowed to the crowd, who applauded madly. Then she began the dance. First she twirled, then she flipped, then she did an acrobatic spin that nearly spun her right off the stage. The roaring of the crowd grew louder. Encouraged by their support, Harmony gathered her nerves for the final act. Balancing on her tail, Harmony built up the fire in her lungs and then let it shoot forth from her mouth in a multi-coloured inferno of flame and heat. But she overshot the target dummy. The flames splashed onto the flammable tent walls, igniting the fabric and inciting mass panic in the crowd. “Please, don’t panic!” Harmony pleaded, trying desperately to put the flames out. “I’ll fix it! Don’t leave!” But no one understood her, because Harmony was a dragon, and dragons can’t speak English.

There are pros and cons to each of these. I personally prefer third-person limited, because restricting the POV to one character leaves you room to do big reveals–e.g. that Harmony is a dragon. However, third-person omniscient lets you get into all the character’s heads, which can be great–except that if you reveal what everyone is thinking, it kind of takes away some of the mystery.

First-person is more like writing a diary, in that everything–descriptions of places, characters, interpretations of events–is from that character’s POV. I’m actually writing a book right now in first-person, the first time I’ve attempted this POV, and it’s going pretty well. I like being able to get into my character’s head and see the world through her eyes, but it also prevents me from showing the reader what the other characters are going through, which can be restrictive at times.

But as always with writing, the choice is ultimately up to you.

What do you think?

What’s the best POV? What POV are you writing in right now? Are there certain POVs that work better with different styles of writing? Is there any POV you hate?

Image cred: http://siennanorth.blogspot.ca/2012/05/point-of-view-demystified.html

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