Posts Tagged With: fanfiction

Chasing Nonconformity Fanfiction!

Two years ago, an anonymous individual wrote a hilarious fanfiction for Imminent Danger. Now, they have returned with the sequel: Chasing Nonconformity And How to Apply Social Media to It. The premise, of course, being that the story is retold via social media. It’s excellent. Read it!

Or, if you don’t have time, here are a few of my favorite gems: ((POSSIBLE SPOILERS))

 

Grashk has changed his name to Big Blue!

Big Blue: Help! I think someone hacked my account! I don’t know how to change my name back!

Varrin Gara’dar: I’m sorry stranger, I don’t know who you are.

Big Blue has changed his name to Grouchy Smurf!

Grouchy Smurf: Goddamnit!

 

Fino’jin has rated Sebara on Rate Your Rala’kamil! Fino’jin has given Sebara one star!

Sebara: Seriously!? What did I ever do to you?

Fino’jin: Nothing personal; you’re just different, so I hate you. I hate things that are different. That’s why I declared war on snowflakes that one time. Each one is unique, so they’re all godless abominations.

 

Varrin Gara’dar: Come on guys, we have to get the Nonconformity back!

Eris Miller: Why don’t you give your promise pendant to the damn Nonconformity!?

Varrin Gara’dar: I TRIED AND IT FELL OFF, OKAY!?

 

Vardriga the Fortune Teller: The destination lies within your journey! What you seek is where you left it! Don’t stop believing!

Sebara: What a bunch of garbage. That’s what I get for listening to a fortune teller.

Vardriga the Fortune Teller: Oh also, you should probably watch out for giant metal spiders.

Sebara: Complete waste of time…

 

Sebara: Wait Fino’jin, don’t you see? You’re a metaphor for the conflict that everybody’s faced in their personal journeys! We all hated our lives on our home planets, because we didn’t like the paths that society set out for us. We’ve been spending the novel chasing nonconformity… and you, Fino’jin, represent that conformity. And now that we’ve all embraced who we are, we can defeat you!

Fino’jin: OH MY GOD I’M A LITERARY METAPHOR!!!

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , | 9 Comments

New Imminent Danger Fanfiction!

As you may or may not know, I’m currently holding a mega giveaway for my novel, Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It. One of the ways you can enter is by writing up a bit of fanfiction for the book. Now, the esteemed Misha Burnett sent me a tiny little fanfiction piece for funsies, but I think it’s awesome and I’m therefore sharing it with you all!

Here it is, in untouched glory (for reference, Grashk is a six-armed lizard man):

Varrin buried his face in Grashk’s scaly chest, breathing in the musky reptilian odor.

“If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right …” the Raskorsian husked.

“What about Eris,” Grashk asked. “Have you told her?”

“Her?” Varrin sniffed. “I am so over the whole human thing. Once you go Ssrisk, you’ll never go back!”

That’s all for today! Have a glorious weekend, and don’t forget to enter the giveaway! Oh, and if you decide to write me some fanfiction, yes, you will 100% be featured on this blog whether you like it or not. Ahahahahahahaha.

 

Unrelated media of the day:

Categories: Blog-related, My Works | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

First Imminent Danger Fanfiction!!!

A few wonderful, sunny months ago, Celeste DeWolfe fulfilled one of my big life dreams by creating the first ever Imminent Danger fan art. Now, an anonymous source whose identity must be protected for … well, for his/her own protection … has written the first ever Imminent Danger fanfiction! And it’s awesome!

The link is coming up right below. Fair warning, though — if you haven’t read the book, the fanfic probably won’t make much sense to you. To remedy this problem, I shamelessly suggest clicking the giant book cover to the right of this post and buying/reading the book ASAP!

Everyone ready? Steady? Freddy? And … link!

The first ever super awesome IMMINENT DANGER FANFICTION!!!

Awesome, right?!

For everyone who didn’t just click that link, I will now share with you some of my favourite quotes to entice you into clicking. Ready? Favourite quote #1:

Eris’s Brain: Finally, I’m free! I couldn’t stand it in there! Eris’s Heart kept going on about how cute that stupid raider was.

Eris’s Heart: HIS HAIR WAS SHAGGY AND I LOVE HIM!

Eris’s Hair has deactivated its Facebook account!

Favourite quote #2:

Varrin Gara’dar has taken the quiz “What To Say When Your Girlfriend Is Taken Hostage”!

Varrin Gara’dar has scored 0% on the quiz “What To Say When Your Girlfriend Is Taken Hostage!”

Hehehe. Okay, so now that I’ve somewhat ineffectively convinced you how awesome it is, go read it now! Or not. I’ll still like you either way.

Unrelated media of the day:

Cool opening video/song for the Civ IV game. As a history major, this gives me chills of the “Mankind freakin’ ROCKS!!!” variety.

Categories: My Works, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

The Worst Fanfiction Ever Written

In my continuing quest to bring to you, my dear and beloved readers, the many and varied gems of the internet, I present to you today’s offering: The Worst Fanfiction Ever Written.

The story is My Immortal, by Tara Gillesbie (username “XXXbloodyrists666XXX”). Here is a quote from knowyourmeme.com:

“My Immortal is a fanfiction that became infamous for being, what many have called, “the worst fanfiction ever written”. It contains a large number of spelling and grammatical errors and sudden unexplained sex scenes. Many of the titles for her chapters were inspired by the bands My Chemical Romance and Evanescence. The story has been the subject of several parodies and dramatic readings.”

No one is sure if this was meant as a joke, or if the author actually intended to create something so unbearably awful. I shall present to you the first few chapters (they’re extremely short), and then provide a link at the bottom for those wishing to further enjoy its magnificence.

Presenting: My Immortalby Tara

NOTE: This excerpt contains curse words. Also, “AN” means “Author’s Note”.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

“What’s up Draco?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

Click here to continue the story!

Unrelated Image of the Day:

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

The Ultimate Fanfiction Challenge

Okay people, in honour of my first day of 9-5 work, I have created the:

Here are the rules:

1. Write a short fanfiction about ANYTHING you want — the goal here is to get as ridiculous as humanly possible. Oh, and you should probably keep it fairly clean — or at least make sure to put a rating on it before inquisitive young minds read your Snape/Dobby/Katniss orgy fic and are scarred for life.

2. Post it in the comments below, or on your blog, or wherever the heck you like. Just make sure you let me know so I can read it!

3. If you like the idea, share the ULTIMATE FANFICTION CHALLENGE on your own blog. Hopefully it will catch on, and WordPress will be swamped by thousands of terrible, mind-bogglingly twisted fanfictions in the next few weeks. Fingers crossed!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For my entry into the ULTIMATE FANFICTION CHALLENGE, I give you:

The Boy and his Cake

Fandom: Hunger Games

Pairing: Peeta / Cake

Rating: R (sort of …?)

It had been months since the Hunger Games, but Peeta knew that even though his body had escaped the arena, his mind never would. His nights were tormented by images of Katniss dying. Peeta always tried to save her, but he never could. He woke up screaming every morning, long before the sun rose, and nothing could get him to fall back asleep.

After awakening from a particularly horrific nightmare in which Katniss had been ripped apart by mutts, Peeta stumbled out of his room and down to the kitchen for a glass of water. But when he turned on the kitchen light, he was astonished by what he found sitting on the counter. It was a huge cake, five layers tall, and two feet in diameter.

“What do we have here?” Peeta murmured, approaching the cake. It was made of chocolate batter, but there was something missing. “You poor thing,” he murmured, reaching out to gently caress the spongy cake. “Your maker forgot to ice you. Don’t worry, I can fix you. I’ll make you feel better than you’ve ever felt before.”

Driven by his newfound purpose, Peeta rummaged through the drawers and pulled out the ingredients to make delicious chocolate icing. He mixed it all together in a huge wooden bowl, accidentally covering himself in icing sugar in the process.

Dipping a wide spatula into the bowl of icing, Peeta carefully began to ice the near-side of the cake. “Your curves are so soft, so round,” Peeta whispered, tracing the spatula lovingly along the cake. “I could just eat you up. But you wouldn’t like that, would you? You want the person who eats you to take it slow, really savour the experience. I can do that for you, cake. I can be that man.”

He ran the icing-coated spatula round and round the cake, moving faster and faster as he moved up the layers. By the time he reached the topmost layer, he was panting from his efforts. “Just a little longer,” he gasped. “Almost there …”

Finally he reached the tip of the cake, finishing off the icing with a sultry swirl. Then Peeta collapsed back against the sink, breathing raggedly and clutching the spatula in an iron grip.

There was only one thing left to do. Drawing forth a knife, Peeta carefully sliced off a piece of the chocolate confection. After the first taste, his eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned in ecstasy. “Oh my god,” Peeta groaned. “I’ve never felt this fulfilled before, you insatiable chocolate temptress.”

“Eat some more,” the cake replied, “and you’ll see how insatiable I can be.”

It suddenly occurred to Peeta that maybe he should have attended those Capitol-appointed psychiatric appointments after all.

Random Video of the Day:

The song itself is kind of bad. The video, however, is hysterical.

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The problem with having an obsessive personality …

I admit it. I have an obsessive personality.

What does this mean? I’m not talking drugs, or alcohol, or gambling. I’m talking being a nerd. In high school, it was Harry Potter fanfiction. I’m not saying it consumed my whole life, but I *loved* me some HP fanfics. I used to print them out and read them on the bus, or stay up waaaaay past my bedtime because I couldn’t stop reading.

Then came university, and World of Warcraft. Free time between classes? Well, I could either do my reading … or play some WoW. Guess who won that battle?

There have been dozens of other obsessions along the way, all of which consumed my life for a period of time, be it a few days or upwards of three years. All of them I now look back on nostalgically … except nostalgia is the most dangerous emotion of all, because it threatens to suck me back into the obsessions of my past.

Right now, it’s Naruto. That would be the ninja anime that has about 6 bazillion episodes, and counting. Despite the fact that the plot moves like molasses, and I can’t stand about half the story arcs, I just can’t seem to stop watching this show. I went through a Naruto phase back in university, and four years later, it has struck me again. In case you were wondering why I haven’t been posting as frequently as usual, Naruto would be why.

Every obsession is different, and has to be treated differently. For most, like my current obsession, I just let them run their course. Naruto has like 500 episodes, and I highly doubt I’ll have the patience to get through all of those. So I probably won’t have to take action against my poor self-control, because my limited attention span should do the trick for me.

Other obsessions are more dangerous. The new World of Warcraft expansion, Mists of Pandaria, comes out in September. WoW is an awesome game, and I played it for several years. I devoted many hours and many dollars to that game, and I just know that if I let myself anywhere near the expansion, I won’t be able to stop. The only thing that saved me from the previous expansion is that my computer broke and I literally couldn’t play the game.

I make all this sound worse than it is, obviously. I do have self control. I don’t get so obsessed that I forget to turn off the stove and burn the house down (although I did once set a cupcake on fire in a toaster oven). But I have many things I want to accomplish in my leisure time, and when my obsessive personality latches onto one thing for too long, all my leisure time becomes devoted to it. And for a writer, that’s no good, because it’s kind of hard to write if I’m spending all my time gaming/reading/watching TV.

Does anyone else have this problem? I dare you to tell me the silliest obsession you’ve ever had. No judging here. And if you have tips for overcoming an obsessive personality, please feel free to share! The WoW expansion is on the horizon, and I’ll need every tool available to stop from being sucked back in.

Unrelated pic of the day:

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Some of my favourite Harry Potter fanfictions

Like many writers out there, I got my start in fanfiction. I began with a delightfully terrible Harry Potter fanfic called “The Heir of Gryffindor”, which involved Harry getting horribly abused by the Dursleys and then being rescued by Sirius Black, who for some reason owned a mansion in the English countryside and had a fondness for mint humbugs. Yeah …

Then I progressed to my first real novelling attempt–a massive, 241,317 word fic entitled “Harry Potter and the Dream Come True”. Basically, James Potter comes back to life, hilarity ensues, and Harry finds the family he’s always been dreaming of (hence the title). It started off sweet and heartfelt, but has now become rather bizarre. I also haven’t updated it in about three years–shame on me! I’m sure I’ll get back to it one day.

But my most successful fanfiction by far has been my latest, a Hunger Games fic called “Life Through Sea Green Eyes”. People love it, and a few fans have even started translating it into Chinese. Awesome, right?! There’s a link on my “Fanfiction” page (located on the sidebar) if you’re interested.

On to the main event!

I used to read a lot of HP fanfiction. In fact, I probably spent more time reading HP fanfics in high school than I did playing WoW in university. Anyway, here are three of my favourites, two of which I’ve actually had printed out on Lulu.com so I can have them on my bookshelf forever. If you’re a HP fan and you haven’t read these, I suggest you get cracking!

Semi Charmed Life

Within the Marauder band of Merry Men, Sirius is the dashing Will Scarlet. Seventh year, his goal is to help Robin woo Maid Lily, avoid sermons from Friar Moony, aid a rat in need, and win the love of a fair lady.

This is a funny, romantic Sirius/Rosmerta fic with a little Lily/James and some Lucius-induced drama thrown in on the side. I particularly enjoyed the depiction of Hogsmeade daily life, as well as gratuitous Sirius-on-motorbike-wearing-black-leather scenes. This is one of the fics that I printed out, because I’m just that awesome. Go here to read.

Learning to Breathe

Harry Potter is 16 years old. He already defeated Voldemort, with the help of his Godfather Sirius Black. Now he is in for the biggest challenge of his life: attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

This is an AU (alternate universe, for the uninitiated) fic about how things would have gone if Sirius had never gone to Azkaban, and had instead raised Harry as the ultimate warrior. The story actually starts after Harry defeats Voldemort, and revolves around him trying to fit in at Hogwarts when all he’s known is being a soldier. It’s Ginny/Harry, so she plays a big role in helping him acclimatize to civilian life. It gets a little weird at the end, but it’s a really great fic, and has lots of re-read value. Go here to read.

Draco Malfoy the Amazing Bouncing Rat

Draco Malfoy, magically transformed into an evil rat. Who is it who always seems to get the evil rats as pets, and what is poor, poor Draco’s new name? Eventually D/Hr, just now mainly D/coffee…

My favourite HP fanfic of all time. As the plot summary suggests, Draco is turned into a rat and ends up living with Harry and the gang in Gryffindor tower. It’s full of brilliant one-liners, and basically just gives me a warm, fuzzy, happy feeling when I read it. This is the other fic I had printed out.

One problem with this fic is that it has apparently vanished from the internet. Neither the fanfic.net link nor the fictionalley.org link works. However, I did find this horribly-formatted site that has the complete text: click here to read. Expand the first menu and read the chapters as you please. Again, the formatting is squished and weird, so if you are interested in reading this fic (which I highly recommend!), I suggest doing a Google search and seeing what else you can find. Or I guess you could also copy/paste the text into a Word doc and change the paragraph settings so that the line spacing is double, which would make the formatting much easier to read.

Google “Harry Potter Fanfiction”, and here’s what comes up:

Fanfiction ftw!

I’m mostly past my fanfic-reading stage, but reminiscing is fun! What were your favourite fanfics / did you ever read fanfiction? For that matter, did you ever write fanfiction? Was it terrible? Was it awesome? Tell me!

Image cred: http://uthinkido.com/what-people-think-i-do/gallery/animal/otter ; http://www.aki-hoshi.com/thebet/bet.htm

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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