Posts Tagged With: potter puppet pals

The post in which I write a review for my own book

I am in a silly mood today, so I have decided to write a review for my own book. I encourage all authors to do the same. Apart from being super fun and a nice creative exercise, I am also amused by the idea that this review might come up when people search for my book on Google.

Book Review of Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It

I found this book totally by accident. I was actually looking for my new dentist’s office when I passed a store that sold these weird, papery objects. Having vaguely recalled seeing these things before on television, I stepped inside the store and approached the owner. “Hi there,” I said to him. “What exactly do you sell in this store?”

“Books,” the man said. “It’s like television, except they use words instead of moving pictures. Try one.”

So I picked up the first “book” that caught my eye. It had a sweet starry red background with trippy futuristic fonts and a really hot couple dancing on the front. “Good choice,” the man said. “This is a real classic. It’s widely known amongst discerning YA enthusiasts as the most excellent book ever written in the entire history of everything. That will be $15.”

I handed him the money and brought the book home. As soon as I opened the first page, I noticed that I felt slightly different. It took me a second to realize what it was — it was happiness. I hadn’t felt that way since I won the County Spelling Bee back in the second grade. The warm effulgence of pure delight washed over me, and I sank back into the comfy cushions of my couch as I let the magic of this fantastic book wash over me.

Each turn of the page brought a new and exciting change. When I hit page 34, the sore throat I’d been fighting off for days suddenly cleared up. On page 97, I got a phone call from my travel agent telling me I’d won a free trip to Jamaica. On page 208, I had a huge slice of pizza and discovered that I was no longer lactose intolerant. And when I finished the last page and shut the book with a sigh of pure ecstasy, I got a text message from the love of my life, begging for me to give us a shot.

At this point I became slightly suspicious of this “book” I had purchased. Was it possible that the story was so utterly, mind-bogglingly brilliant that it actually had the power to cure my ailments and fix my love life? To test my theory, I called my bookie and had her bet my entire life savings on a horse race. Then I picked up the book and began to leaf through it frantically. By the time I’d gotten halfway through, my bookie called. I’d won the race.

So in conclusion, this book made me a millionaire, cured my lactose intolerance, and netted me my future partner. I’m still testing out its assorted magical properties, but I’m pretty sure that it can also predict the future, increase its reader’s intelligence to genius-level, and possibly summon unicorns. I plan to use this book to construct an Iron Man suit and spend the rest of my life flying around stopping terrorists, ending wars, and promoting literacy programs in third world nations. With any luck, I shall become a God among men and reshape the world in my image.


Oh, and the story was pretty good, too. The beginning was a little slow. Funny ending. Great characters. Five stars.

Unrelated video of the day:

Not sure if I’ve shared this yet, but … eh, whatever. Enjoy!

Categories: My Works, Random, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 52 Comments

Am I legally allowed to win the One Lovely Blog award 3 times?

Apparently, yes, I am. Thank you so much to Candace Knoebel, Andrew Toynbee, and Bishop the Reviewer for nominating me for the:

Yay! I feel so … awarded. And lovely! And unless parallel dimensions exist, I’ve got the “one” aspect pretty much covered as well. Huzzah!

Right. On to the next part of the award — seven things about myself. Although by this point you probably know more about me than I do …

1) The most delicious thing I have ever eaten was barbecued meat at my soccer team’s victory party about ten years ago. I don’t know what the meat was (possibly pork?), or what our coach did to make it so delicious (ritual sacrifice?), but I have been dreaming of that unidentified barbecued meat ever since.

2) I wear glasses, and they are a very high prescription. I enjoy giving my glasses to people who have perfect vision, and watching as they try on my glasses, reel backwards in shock, and say, “This is how you see?!!”

3) I am currently watching a Korean Drama entitled “Boys Before Flowers”. It revolves around four hot, rich guys at a private school who meet and (some of whom) fall in love with a common girl who teaches them about life, love, etc. It’s a soap opera in every sense of the phrase, but I enjoy it because it’s a fun insight into Korean culture. Click here to watch a fanmade trailer for it.

4) My current favourite song is Spiderweb by Haley Reinhart.

5) My brother recently fractured his wrist. While waiting for him to get his cast at the hospital, I composed an epic 3-act play for my mother’s birthday, entitled, “Mama’s Magical Madventure”.

6) I mispronounce the word “disciple”. I can say it correctly when talking about the disciples of Jesus (dis-eye-pull), but any other time, I pronounce it “dis-ih-pull”.

7) I am a recovered WoW addict. Now the Mists of Pandaria expansion is coming out, and I can already feel it trying to pull me back in. I must resist!

Okay, nomination time. Tighten your seatbelts!

Amanda Leigh

Antoinette M

Maya Panika

Erin Elizabeth Long

A. Christine

Pigeon Weather Productions

Phew. Awards are a lot of work. Seriously though, check those blogs out, they’re awesome.

And now, for your amusement:

Don’t forget to turn off the annotations. Or leave them on. I’m not the boss of you.

Categories: Blog-related | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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