Posts Tagged With: aliens

New Imminent Danger Fan Art!!!

In today’s offering from the beautiful and talented Celeste DeWolfe, we have some fan art from Imminent Danger featuring Eris, Miguri, and Alyra.

The scene (SPOILER ALERT) is after Eris and Miguri escape Chakra Corp with Alyra’s help, and Eris attempts to recite the “To be or not to be” speech from Hamlet, with amusing results.

fan art celeste dewolfe eris reciting hamlet

I think my favorite part of this drawing is Alyra, because it just boggles my mind how the artist manages to put so much expression on the face of an alien with no mouth and giant, wacky eyes. Thank you, Celeste, for the gorgeous new fan art!

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Categories: My Works | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

Imminent Danger 8-Bit Coaster!

As you know, I’m running an IndieGoGo campaign to support the re-publication of my book. In an attempt to drum up more interest in the campaign, I’ve decided to start sharing some of the awesome perks you can get via this awesome campaign.

Today I present to you an 8-bit Imminent Danger coaster, created by the lovely and talented Denise Gow-Morse.

8bit coaster

The character featured on the coaster is of course Eris Miller, feisty protagonist of Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It, presented in her signature purple camo pants and shiny silver top.

Want your own Imminent Danger 8-bit coaster? Pop over to the campaign and acquire one of the following perks:

  • Swag Bag ($25)
  • Ultimate Fan Pack ($50)
  • How Are You Even This Awesome? ($100)
  • Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? ($200)
  • This Is Getting Ridiculous ($500)

That’s all for today! As always, please please please share this campaign with your assorted social circles and I will be eternally and forever in your debt (whichever is longer).

Note: If anyone’s in the market for a custom 8-bit creation of their own, Denise will make them for $5-$15 + shipping (contact her at gow_denise@hotmail.com).

 

Unrelated media of the day:

Categories: Self Publishing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

MEGA GIVEAWAY for my book! Check it out!

What up, internet friends? In honor of my 300th WordPress post, I’ve decided to hold a mega giveaway for my debut novel, Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It.

The rules are simple. I’m going to list various ways you can enter. Then you do them … and you’re entered! Prizes are listed below. Woo!

The giveaway will run from the now until May 26.

 

How to enter:

Complete any of the following activities, and send me some sort of evidence that you completed them. You can email me (michellishelli@gmail.com), write it in the comments, write it on my Facebook page, tweet me (@michellishelli), send the evidence to me by messenger dragon … literally whatever you want, so long as I actually receive it.

You get +1 entry into the giveaway for each activity completed. The activities are:

  • Buy a copy of Imminent Danger. Send me some sort of evidence of your purchase — anything works, including a picture of you holding the book! If you already bought it, awesome! Send your evidence and you’re in!
  • Write a review for Imminent Danger. Send me a link to the review, or a screencap of the review, or whatever. If you’ve already written a review, that totally counts! Send that shizzle my way, friend.
  • Share this giveaway on social media. On your blog, on your Twitter, etc. Send appropriate evidence of your awesomeness. +1 for each place you share the giveaway.
  • Share Imminent Danger on social media. Same rules as for sharing the giveaway. Here’s a link to the book … http://amzn.to/1lytZwB
  • Draw some Imminent Danger fan art. As long as it vaguely resembles something from the book, it works for me! Oh, and this obviously goes without saying, but any fan art you send me will be showcased on this blog.
  • Write an Imminent Danger fanfiction. Sky’s the limit with this one! Pick a character, come up with a silly situation, and have some fun! Like with the fan art, all fanfiction will be showcased on this blog.
  • Make your own activity! Thought of a different way to show support for my book? Awesome! As long as it’s related to Imminent Danger and promoting/supporting it, or promoting/supporting me, in some capacity, it counts.

So that’s how you enter! Now for the …

 

Prizes:

How many prizes I dish out depends on how many people enter, obviously. The more entrants, the more awesome the prizes!

Confirmed prizes:

  • Signed copy of Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It, plus related swag!

Possible other prizes:

  • More signed copies!
  • Imminent Danger fridge magnet!
  • Short story written by me, featuring you and an Imminent Danger character of your choice!
  • Scene from the book, drawn by me! I’m a terrible artist! You’ll love it!
  • Assorted Imminent Danger swag!
  • Whatever else I can think of! If you have a suggestion, let me know!

 

That’s all she wrote! Thanks in advance to everyone who participates. And now, for some totally related media to get you in the giveaway mood …

 

Totally related media:

Categories: My Works, Self Publishing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Book Review: Cannibal Hearts (by Misha Burnett)

Important note: The book being reviewed below is the sequel to Catskinner’s Book

 

The Bookcannibal hearts

Cannibal Hearts

The Genre

Sci-fi / Mystery

The Author

Misha Burnett has been writing poetry and fiction for around forty years. During this time he has supported himself and his family with a variety of jobs, including locksmith, cab driver, and building maintenance.

The Plot

A year ago James Ozryck was a loner, forced to keep the world at bay by the alien entity he calls Catskinner who shares his body. Now he has found a community of others whose lives have been changed by the Outsiders.

Along with Godiva, his half-human lover, James runs a property management company that serves as a front company for Outsider activities.

When the pair’s mysterious boss, Agony Delapour suddenly shows up in town with a new project, however, things gets dangerous fast as events unfold that threaten the life that they have made.

The Review

Despite its admittedly dark and gritty nature, I had a lot of fun reading this book. It’s a great sequel to Burnett’s first novel, Catskinner’s Book, and I especially liked that all the characters I enjoyed in the first book made their way into the second book. One of my personal favorites is the red vixen, Miss Agony Delapour, who played a minor and terrifying role in the first book, but happily gets much more screen time in the sequel.

One theme I really like that runs through the series is that we’re never quite sure what’s going on with everything. We’ve got our protagonist and his associates, who are actually more bad than good, some of whom try to actively do good things and fail, while others are clearly bad but just happen to be working with good people for their own nefarious purposes. And we’ve got our antagonist, who’s the dictionary definition of “mysterious” – we don’t know who he is or what he’s planning, beside the fact that he’s apparently trying to kill off the protagonist. And the fate of the antagonist is just brilliant. You’ll have to read to find out what it is!

All in all, a thrilling read! I recommend you check this out if you’re a fan of sci-fi, thrillers, or mysteries.

The Rating

Five out of five blood-encrusted stars.

 

Check out Cannibal Hearts here!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

This is a really cool game my brother showed me the other day. It’s really off the wall and bizarre, so check it out if you have a few spare moments and want a nice escape from reality!

http://www.trevorvanmeter.com/flyguy/

Categories: Book Reviews | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Presenting … Chapter 2 of “Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It”

As the title of this post suggests, I am psyched to share with you today CHAPTER 2 of my book, Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It. If you missed CHAPTER 1, click here to give it a read.

Onwards, dear friends, unto the breach!

 

2

When Eris came to, her first thought was blue. It took her a few groggy seconds to figure out why. The spongy, curved walls of the small, spherical room in which she found herself were a vibrant shade of aquamarine and glowing softly. There were no obvious doors or windows. Where on Earth am I? In a giant blue gum ball?

After several minutes of panicked hyperventilation, Eris forced herself to calm down and try to make some sense of her situation.

Someoneor multiple someonesattacked me, she thought. They were wearing scaly gloves, for some weird reason. A prank gone way too far? I wouldn’t put it past some of my classmates. But Eris found the paralysis liquid more difficult to rationalize. Professional kidnappers? Barlow Collegiate has its fair share of trust-fund babies—they must have mistaken me for one, although my duct-taped book bag really should have given me away as a scholarship student. This must be just a colossal mistake.

Feeling slightly calmer, Eris examined her surroundings more closely. The only item of interest was a circular groove in the wall about six feet in diameter. She guessed it was the door, since the rest of the room was seamless and unmarked. Although it doesn’t look like any door I’ve ever seen. Eris decided to bang on it to see what would happen.

THUNK.

THUNK.

Just as her fist was about to thunk down again, the groove glowed a bright white. The door spiraled open like a camera’s shutter. Eris was caught off balance and tumbled forward, straight into a pair of scaly blue arms.

Gasping, Eris pushed herself away and staggered back. The creature before her was like something straight out of a sci-fi movie. Jagged blue scales covered its entire body, and it stood easily eight feet tall. It had six hands, each with webbed fingers and inch-long claws. A milky white gem on its forehead was glowing softly, and its slitted, purple eyes peered intelligently at her. The eyes were like nothing Eris had ever seen. Otherworldly eyes. In that instant, she came to a jarring realization.

“Alien,” she whispered.

Then she fainted.

*          *          *

When Eris regained consciousness, she found herself staring into slitted purple eyes. The creature was crouched over her, flicking its tri-forked tongue in and out from between scaly blue lips.

This isn’t a dream, she realized, starting to hyperventilate again. This is real. This … thing is real.

The creature made a phhh sound, splattering Eris’s face with moist, foul-smelling spittle. She screamed hysterically and scrambled away from the monster, pressing herself against the far wall.

The alien stood up, towering over her. Eris screamed again, holding her hands in front of her. “Leave me alone! Please! Go away!”

Flicking out its tongue again, the creature looked down at her and then abruptly turned and left.

As the door spiraled shut, Eris’s knees collapsed. She sank to the curved floor in shock. “I can’t believe it,” she whispered. “Aliens exist?”

Eris had always been skeptical of the existence of extraterrestrials. In her mind, they fell into the same category as dragons and vampires—fun to imagine but not real. For a few minutes, she tried to cling to the belief that this was just an elaborate hoax by some crazy group of people who enjoyed dressing up as scaly blue reptiles. But those eyes!

The memory of her captor’s otherworldly eyes made Eris feel certain that somehow, for reasons she could not possibly begin to fathom, she had been abducted by aliens. This terrifying prospect was so far outside her range of experience that Eris could do little more than sit silently, frozen with shock.

*          *          *

As the hours dragged by, alone in the gum ball cell, Eris’s initial terror was slowly replaced by bewilderment. She began to wonder why, of all the people on Earth, she was the one who had been abducted. She wasn’t the president of some country. She wasn’t the daughter of anyone important. She wasn’t particularly popular. To her knowledge, she had never done anything to offend anyone in any way. And she didn’t do drugs, or she would have attributed the whole thing to a really bad trip.

Maybe I’m actually their long-lost princess and they’ve come to bring me back to their planet, where I’ll be cherished and adored by my true people. Eris briefly entertained the notion and then discarded it as ridiculous. Could this really just be a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

The more Eris thought about her predicament, the more it began to infuriate her. Jumping to her feet, she shouted, “This is insane! Aliens shouldn’t even exist, let alone fly around kidnapping random people for the fun of it! Let me out of here, you scaly psychos!”

When she ran out of rage, Eris collapsed to her knees on the spongy floor. Cradling her head in her hands, she whispered,  “Please, just let me go,” even though she knew no one could hear her plea.

*          *          *

A short time later, the door spiraled open. A reptilian arm shot into the room, grabbed Eris by the hood of her sweater, and yanked her out.

As she struggled to gain her footing, Eris saw she was in a large, blue room with curved walls. A second blue alien was standing outside the cell. With no warning or explanation, Eris found herself pinioned between the two huge creatures. She wanted to ask what they intended to do with her, but the words died in her throat.

Eris held back her tears as the aliens frog-marched her around the edge of the room. Twenty or so small doors like the one through which she had just been pulled were set into the outer wall. In the center of the room was a large platform with a circular console covered with glowing buttons and small screens. Am I in an alien prison?

Her two escorts stopped at a large portal on the far side of the room. Beside the door, a shallow basin filled with a blue, jellylike substance was attached to the wall. One of the aliens, still keeping a painful grip on Eris’s arm, plunged its hand into the jelly. The portal opened, and they dragged her through.

The creatures marched Eris through a series of blue curved hallways. They stopped on a circular groove set into the floor. The floor glowed, and then the elevator column shot upward. As they rose, Eris caught brief glimpses of space through portholes in the wall. Oh my God. I really am in space!

When the elevator stopped, Eris was facing a huge, circular portal. It was fifteen feet high and encircled by bones—large bones and small bones of strange shapes and forms. She shuddered when she noticed a few bones near the top that looked uncomfortably familiar. God, I hope those aren’t human.

The door itself was carved with creatures that resembled Eris’s abductors. The alien figures were arranged around a central figure with dozens of wavering tentacles, three eyes, and a gaping mouth ringed by razor-sharp teeth. I’m going to die, Eris thought. This is the end. I am going to be devoured by six-armed aliens with a curious fondness for blue, and my bones will be strung up to serve as a door-frame decoration for their chieftain’s lair.

Before Eris could panic, one of her guards placed a clawed hand into the bowl of jelly protruding from the wall, and the door slid open. The guards dragged her into a large room. The outer wall was lined with more aliens, all seated in front of sleek computer stations. Above each station were circular screens, some showing complex-looking charts, others views of space. If I’m on a spaceship, Eris thought, this must be the bridge.

There was a raised platform in the center of the room on which was perched a monstrous chair that looked like it was made of some distant cousin of coral. Sitting in the chair was a reptilian creature somewhat larger than the aliens Eris had seen so far. The tips of its scales were a yellow-green color. The captain?

The creature swiveled in its chair and locked its glittering purple eyes onto Eris’s green ones. After a moment, it half-warbled, half-roared what sounded like a command. Her two guards shoved her forward, and she tumbled to her knees. She was so scared that she could barely think. Her eyes welled with tears.

The alien hissed loudly at her.

“What do you want from me?” Eris asked helplessly.

The shorter of her two guards cuffed her soundly across the head. Whimpering with pain as the big reptiles dragged her back to her feet, Eris decided it would be safer to keep her mouth shut.

As Eris cowered silently, the alien captain leaned forward as if to study its captive more intently. Then it hissed again, and a tri-forked purple tongue snaked out from its mouth and shot close to Eris’s face. When she flinched and tried to jump back, her guards held her immobile.

The captain’s tongue slid sinuously over Eris’s face, coating her skin with a thin layer of foul-smelling slime. She found the experience not only disgusting but also degrading as the three tips of the tongue traced paths across her cheek, over her lips, and up her nose. Teardrops started to trickle down her face, and the alien lapped them up. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to scream.

Apparently satisfied, the creature’s tongue slurped back into its mouth. Maybe it will let me go now that it’s finished its tongue bath, Eris prayed. Then the captain pulled out a long, bone-colored knife and began to stroke it.

Or maybe, she thought, I’m going to die after all.

Categories: My Works | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

More Awesome Fan Art

I don’t have much time to chat today, due to my continued inability to keep up with my work hours. Therefore, I shall share the two new gorgeous pieces of fan art that the incomparable Celeste DeWolfe created for me whilst I was off crusin’, and then I shall share the song I’m currently listening to on repeat, because why not, and then I shall bid you all adieu. So …

Fan Art #1: Eris Steps Out of the Shower

eristowel

Fan Art #2:  Eris is Abducted

kidnappederis

The Current Song I’m Listening to on Repeat:

Adieu!

Categories: My Works | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Presenting … the first-ever excerpt from my novel!

I was originally going to write this post about my resolutions for the upcoming year, but then I thought, “Damn it, Michelle, your blogging compatriots deserve more! What are you, a man or a machete?” Since I am neither, I immediately dismissed that thought.

But then I had another thought. And that thought was to post an excerpt from Imminent Danger. Since my new thought didn’t involve any gender changes or sharp objects, I decided to roll with it. The novel will be published at some point in January, after all, so what better day to release the first-ever excerpt than New Year’s Day?

Therefore, without any further ado, I present to you Chapter 1 of Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It.

Fasten your seatbelts. And forgive the lack of indents, as WordPress formatting tools live to bewilder and perplex me.

stars

1

“Personally, I think the existence of extraterrestrial beings is a scientific improbability. Just because there’s life on Earth doesn’t mean there’s life on other planets. Until we find evidence that aliens do exist, I think we’re wasting time and energy searching for something that’s probably not even there.”

Folding her speaking notes closed, Eris stared out at her fellow students in the high school science classroom. If any of them had found her presentation particularly intriguing, it didn’t show. Most were too busy reviewing their own speaking notes in case Mr. Pingree decided to squeeze in one more presentation before the bell rang. The students who had already finished their presentations were staring out the window, texting under their desks, or sleeping.

Mr. Pingree crossed his arms and addressed the class. “Any thoughts? Eris raised some excellent points.”

He was met with silence.

“Come now,” the tweed-clad teacher cajoled, wiggling his eyebrows as if this lighthearted display could somehow inject life into his zombified audience. “Aliens, ladies and gentlemen! Little green men from Mars! UFOs! Someone must have an opinion.”

A boy in the back row raised his hand. “I don’t know about little green men,” he said, “but that blue chick from Avatar’s pretty hot.” His friends hooted their agreement and exchanged congratulatory high-fives.

Mr. Pingree apparently sensed that expecting intelligent class participation at such an early hour might be asking too much from his teenage students. “All right,” he sighed. “An excellent and thorough presentation, Eris. You may return to your seat.”

Eris smiled tightly at her teacher and hurried back to her desk. She disliked public speaking, especially when a misstep could make her the latest target of the formidable Barlow Collegiate gossip mill. Luckily for me, no one ever listens to class presentations, she thought.

She was out the door as soon as the bell rang, anxious to get back to her dorm and take the shower she had skipped that morning in favor of going over her presentation notes one last time. As she walked along one of the many pathways that crisscrossed the high school campus, she kept her head down and avoided all eye contact with her fellow students.

Once safely back in her dorm room, Eris finally started to relax. She spent a moment rummaging around for her toiletries and a towel and then locked her door and headed to the suite bathroom for a relaxing shower. But barely halfway through, the water switched from pleasantly warm to freezing cold. Eris frantically rinsed the conditioner from her long, dark brown hair. Then she wrenched off the faucet and jumped out of the shower.

Looking for her robe, Eris realized she had left it in her room. Silently berating herself, she took the towel she had brought to use as a turban for her wet hair and instead wrapped it around her body. Pressing the top of the towel firmly under her armpits, she gathered up her clothes and clutched them under one arm. With her soaking hair dripping down her back, she stepped out into the hallway.

A deep, male voice sounded from the common room, accompanied by female laughter. As Eris fumbled the key card from her bundle of clothes to unlock her door, she heard the voice say loudly, “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” This high-pitched voice with a slight British lilt belonged to Lisa Brightman, one of Eris’s roommates. Of the three girls who shared her suite, Eris found Lisa to be the most tolerable. The other two girls acted so vacuous that blonde jokes were remarkably close to doing them justice.

“The door,” said the young man. “Didn’t you say Mallory’s in class?”

“Well, she is …”

Heavy footsteps pounded on the floor as Lisa’s jock boyfriend, Josh Fisher, poked his head around the corner. “Yo, Mal, where were you last night? I thought we were gonna—whoa!”

Eris froze and blushed as the handsome rugby player gave her a once-over. His head jerked back toward the common room as he called out, “Babe! Who’s the naked chick?” Josh’s eyes returned to her towel-clad body.

The key card practically flew from Eris’s hand and plunged into the lock. Yanking the door open, she dove into the safety of her private room, the door slamming shut behind her.

“Lisa! You been holding out on me, babe?” Eris heard him yell, accompanied by the sound of receding footsteps. “Your roommate’s kinda hot!”

“So?” Lisa demanded.

“You said she was a nerd!”

Eris tried to glare daggers through the door. It didn’t work, of course. All it did was attract her attention to the full-length mirror attached to the back of the door. “How does being a nerd automatically make me unattractive?” she grumbled, eyeing her slim, admittedly less-than-luscious curves. “Maybe I don’t flaunt my body, but I’ve still got it where it counts.” She smoothed the towel down over her hips and sighed. “Keep telling yourself that, Eris.”

“I never said that!” Lisa’s shrill voice cried from the common room. “I said she never parties with us!”

And that makes me a nerd how? Eris thought.

“Fine, babe, whatever you say,” Josh said. Eris knew that the rugby player was right now raising his hands in surrender before her very persuasive roommate. Lisa was commonly referred to as “that smokin’ hot British chick,” and she generally got her way where boys were concerned.

Eris wished she had a fraction of Lisa’s natural good looks and poise. Growing up, Eris hadn’t been given the usual advice that other girls received from their mothers. Most mothers taught their daughters how to dress stylishly, how to wax their eyebrows, and how to wear makeup. But Ms. Miller, a divorced feminist entirely disillusioned with men, had always insisted that following fashion trends turned you into a mindless automaton, waxing was unnatural, and wearing makeup didn’t make you more attractive; it only made you look like you were wearing makeup.

Three years ago, when Eris had first set foot on the campus of Barlow Collegiate as a freshman, she’d had an unpleasant surprise. Not that middle school hadn’t been enough of an eye-opener, but in high school, looking good seemed to be an obsession—that, and getting drunk and high, but Eris’s mother had turned her off those as well. Eris had tried vodka at the only residence party she had ever attended but hadn’t liked the fuzzy-headed feeling it gave her. Drinking herself into a stupor had never struck Eris as particularly appealing.

It’s not that I mind not fitting in here, she reflected. Well, fine, of course I do. Who wouldn’t? But if fitting in means showing up to class stoned or going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, I think I’ll pass.

She could still hear Josh and Lisa talking and laughing in the common room. To her dismay, Eris felt a familiar pang of longing. I wish someone would talk to me like that. He doesn’t have to be cool or handsome like Josh. Just a nice, sweet guy who would make me feel wanted.

She sighed. “Who am I kidding? I don’t have a chance, not with girls like Lisa around.” Eris grabbed the bottom edge of her towel, gave her mirror a practice curtsy, and then rolled her eyes. “Might as well wait for Prince Charming to appear out of thin air and sweep me off my feet, for all the good it’ll do me.”

She pulled on a pair of jeans, her favorite purple hoodie, and worn sneakers. Normally she had to wear the school uniform—a pleated green skirt and white shirt—but today was casual Friday. After a quick trip to the bathroom to brush her teeth and fix her long hair into a ponytail, Eris gathered up her books, put on a coat, and hurried from the suite. Josh and Lisa barely glanced at her as she passed by.

Eris decided to take the elevator down to the ground floor even though the plodding old contraption was long past its prime. Although that will mean missing this month’s “art exhibition,” she thought. Last month, the stairwell had been splattered crimson from top to bottom, thanks to three seniors, a bottle of tequila, and a can of red paint.

When the elevator doors finally grated open, Eris stepped inside and pressed the M button. “Hold it!” a familiar voice called as the doors lumbered shut. Josh barreled into the elevator, book bag flung over his shoulder.

Feeling very awkward, Eris stared at her school bag while the elevator descended, avoiding eye contact with Josh. She wasn’t used to being alone and so close to an attractive member of the opposite sex. When something touched her arm, she was so startled she yelped and jumped away.

“Sorry!” Josh exclaimed, giving her a weird look. “I was just being friendly. Chill.”

Eris flushed and rubbed her forehead. “No, sorry, it was my fault. I’m not used to people touching me. Strangers, I mean.” Thank God I stopped myself from saying “boys.”

Josh chuckled. “Considering that I just saw you half-naked, I wouldn’t call us strangers.”

Eris’s jaw dropped. “What would you call us, then?

“I’m sure I could think of something.”

“I’m not entirely sure you could.”

Before he could respond, the elevator doors opened on the main floor and Eris rushed out. She wanted to be far away from Josh in case he ever figured out what she had meant.

She had ten minutes to get to Calculus, so she set off along the bustling, tree-lined pathway that led to the science building. Eris found something comforting about being lost in the flow of students—it made her feel like she belonged, and that was something that didn’t happen very often.

Just as Eris was passing the thick row of pine trees that lined the path near the science building, she felt suddenly uneasy. She stopped and looked around but could see nothing out of the ordinary. “Stop being so paranoid,” Eris muttered. She hoisted the book bag farther up her shoulder and continued walking.

A flash of movement among the pine trees startled her, and she stopped again. “Watch it!” a girl snapped, almost running into Eris.

“Sorry,” Eris mumbled and quickly stepped off the path.

Convinced there was something moving behind the pine trees, Eris tried to peer through the dense screen of green needles, but the morning sunlight was filtered by thick gray clouds, making it too dim to see. Probably just some idiot getting high before class, she decided, turning to resume her journey.

Suddenly, a large, blue, scaly, clawed hand darted out from among the trees and closed around Eris’s wrist. The hand gave a single tug, and before she could open her mouth to scream, she was yanked backward into the pines.

Terrified, Eris flailed her limbs and attempted to shriek, but a second scaly hand closed over her mouth, muffling the sound. Her survival instinct kicked in, and she lashed out, trying to struggle free of her captor by elbowing and kicking. Then a third hand wrapped around her torso to trap her arms, and a fourth and fifth grabbed her legs. A gang attack? Eris thought incredulously. And they’re all wearing … scaly gloves? What the hell?

A sixth hand tilted her head back, and a vial of glowing blue liquid descended toward her lips. Eris clamped her mouth shut, but her jaw went slack the instant the vial touched her. She could feel a disgusting fluid trickling down her throat. Her terror doubled when she realized her arms and legs were going numb. Seconds later, she was completely paralyzed.

Eris’s captor hissed, and then she felt someone pull the book bag off her shoulder. She tried to see who was attacking her, but there wasn’t enough light. All she could make out were several huge figures, easily seven or eight feet tall. It seemed as if there were far too many arms for the number of bodies, but Eris assumed that was just a trick of the shadows.

Her books were soon tossed aside. Her laptop was discarded as well, flung at the wall of the science building, where she heard it shatter. Just as the space bar flew through the air and landed at Eris’s feet, she began to feel the world spinning. That stuff they made me drink … must have … The words blurred in her mind as she lost the ability to form a coherent thought.

One of her assailants poked Eris’s paralyzed body and emitted a sound like that of a decompressing balloon—phhh … phhh … phhh.

Eris’s world went black.

stars

So there you have it! Sweet, innocent little Eris has been dragged into the trees and abducted by strange, scaly, malicious personages with a suspiciously high number of limbs. Whatever will happen to her next?

You’ll have to read my book to find out!

Mwahahahahahahaha.

Categories: iUniverse, My Works, Self Publishing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 70 Comments

Imminent Danger — Official Book Trailer #1

I was getting caught up on reading blogs today, and about halfway through reading a random post I had a ridiculous idea for a book trailer. At first I thought, “No, that’s just silly. You can’t make a book trailer like that.” And then I thought, “But there are so many bad book trailers out there — how can this idea possibly be worse?” And then I thought, “Screw it, I’m making it.”

Thus without further ado, I present to you the first (more to come) official book trailer for Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It:

(here’s a link in case that didn’t work)

Hahahaha. Oh man. I crack up every time I watch that. What a ridiculous trailer, especially with the super cheesy music.

*wipes tears from eyes*

Anyway, let me know what you think! And if you want to steal my awesome trailer idea and make one of your own, make sure you credit meeeeeee! (Or not. Whatever floats your virtual boat.)

Categories: Self Publishing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

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