Posts Tagged With: Halloween

How To Count To Ten

Today we’re tackling a tough topic, one that has caused a lot of people a lot of grief. Many are under the assumption that basic counting skills are something everyone has mastered. They are wrong. For every person out there who has successfully counted the fingers on their hands, there’s another person who spends hours staring at a calculator before bursting into heart-wrenching tears. This is not a joke. This is a serious issue plaguing millions–nay, dozens–of people on this planet. And today, I’m here to provide the answer.

If you’re ever in a situation where you need to count to ten and can’t remember how, just follow these simple instructions:

How To Count To Ten

  1. Start at one.
  2. Add one and one together. That gives you two.
  3. Add another one. One plus one plus two plus one is five.
  4. Wait a minute …
  5. Okay, forget that. We’re on step five now. Let’s start from here. Five.
  6. Six.
  7. I’m pretty sure it starts with an S. Or maybe a Z. Zeven?
  8. I forget this next one. It’s like a sideways infinity symbol. Or a not-so-jolly snowman who was robbed of his hat, eyes, nose, mouth, and arms.
  9. I know there’s a four in here somewhere …
  10. F**k it.

So there you go! A simple and foolproof way to count to ten. Never again will first-graders laugh mockingly at you for your inferior counting skills. The world is your oyster, my friend! Fish it out of the ocean of potential, crack it open, and dig out that lustrous pearl of limitless possibility!

 

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Since it’s Halloween tomorrow …

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Categories: Random | Tags: , , , | 8 Comments

Special Halloween Treat — New Free Short Story “The Dusk Bugs”!

As the title of this post indicates, I have a special Halloween treat for you — a free short story! This is my latest foray into the world of short fiction writing (the first being, of course, The Coin Collector), and I had a blast writing it. I also suffered several minor panic attacks and a near emotional collapse, but you’ll have to read the story to figure out why.

This short story is, of course …

dusk bugs cover 5

How delightfully campy is that cover? I had so much fun making it — it reminds me of a poster for an old B-movie thriller. Moving on …

The Dusk Bugs Summary

A pleasant evening stroll through the banana kingdom turns terrifying when our intrepid narrator is attacked by the most vicious and relentless of all predators — the dusk bugs.

If you read this story, your skin will crawl and your heart will pound in your chest — guaranteed. And I know this because the story is based off my own experiences walking through the banana kingdom (yes, it’s a real place) at dusk, and encountering the evil bugs that dwell there. Did I mention I hate bugs? Because I do. I hate them. SO. MUCH.

Right.

So CLICK THIS LINK to go download your very own copy of The Dusk Bugs. And once you’re done reading and laughing at my insanity, put on your costume, get out your candy, and have an awesome Halloween!

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Categories: My Works, Self Publishing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

VLOG #11 – Argyle Arts Festival + Writing Update!

Remember how I lost my flip cam and therefore couldn’t do any more vlogs? Well, I found it! It was hiding under Tibbers, my enormous teddy bear.

Thus, without further ado, my new vlog!

Categories: My Works | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

My Tacyon Halloween + NaNo Update

I don’t understand science, so bear with me. Basically, tacyons move backwards through time. So when my brother Jesse (you might remember him from Vlog #2) heard that we were having our Halloween party after Halloween, he decided that we were having a Tacyon Halloween. Does the title make sense now? No? Welcome to my world.

Anyway, I thought I’d share some photos from our party, mostly because I’m super happy with my costume (German bar wench) and wanted to share them with you. Scroll past the photos for an update on my horrendous attempts at NaNoWriMo thus far.

Pumpkin ale and cupcakes.

Mother and brother.

Me, with my friend apparently trying to behead me.

Me trying to behead my friend.

NaNoWriMo Update:

So we’re 3 days into NaNo, and it’s going just plain awful. I am 483 words in, and I shouldn’t even be that far because I need to do actual work for my real job and instead I’m writing — and writing slowly, at that. Le sigh.

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Categories: Random, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

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