Today we’re tackling a tough topic, one that has caused a lot of people a lot of grief. Many are under the assumption that basic counting skills are something everyone has mastered. They are wrong. For every person out there who has successfully counted the fingers on their hands, there’s another person who spends hours staring at a calculator before bursting into heart-wrenching tears. This is not a joke. This is a serious issue plaguing millions–nay, dozens–of people on this planet. And today, I’m here to provide the answer.
If you’re ever in a situation where you need to count to ten and can’t remember how, just follow these simple instructions:
How To Count To Ten
- Start at one.
- Add one and one together. That gives you two.
- Add another one. One plus one plus two plus one is five.
- Wait a minute …
- Okay, forget that. We’re on step five now. Let’s start from here. Five.
- Six.
- I’m pretty sure it starts with an S. Or maybe a Z. Zeven?
- I forget this next one. It’s like a sideways infinity symbol. Or a not-so-jolly snowman who was robbed of his hat, eyes, nose, mouth, and arms.
- I know there’s a four in here somewhere …
- F**k it.
So there you go! A simple and foolproof way to count to ten. Never again will first-graders laugh mockingly at you for your inferior counting skills. The world is your oyster, my friend! Fish it out of the ocean of potential, crack it open, and dig out that lustrous pearl of limitless possibility!
Unrelated media of the day:
Since it’s Halloween tomorrow …
Michelle Proulx - Author 
Common Core?
It is possible that I skipped a few days in grade school. I would count out exactly how many, but as you can guess, that wouldn’t go well.
Not enough fingers and toes? Sounds like me in high school. I had a math test allergy that I grew out of.
Great post! Also–love the unrelated media. “Organ is a must”–ha! 🙂
Thanks 🙂 The guy who does the song actually has a couple “how to” videos — how to make a hit pop song, how to make a christmas song, etc. Check them out if you feel so inclined!
Great song! Only problem was, the keytar solo freaked out my cat, who was napping in my lap at the time (as he usually does, to be fair).
#10 sums up my relation with math, nowadays…
Awww, sorry cat 😦 Didn’t mean to freak you out, lol.
My relationship with math is generally to encounter a math problem, stare at it for a few seconds, shout “MATH!”, and then run away.
Yep, sounds familiar.
And to think I was a prodigy as a kid. I blame books.