American vs. Canadian Grammar + Update on Imminent Danger!

We’ll start with the update, since that’s what I’m currently the most excited about. Approximately forty-seven seconds ago, I sent the newly-shortened, vastly-improved manuscript for Imminent Danger and How to Fly Straight into It off to my iUniverse editorial consultant. She will send it on to the Return Evaluator, who will … evaluate it? The name is kind of self explanatory. Anyway, I should be getting the results of my return evaluation back within 7-10 business days.

If everything goes really well, the evaluator will love the new, shortened version, and be so impressed with my flawless grasp on English grammar that she’ll recommend me for publication and Editor’s Choice designation on the spot. In all likelihood, of course, she’ll probably find a few things for me to improve on, and recommend a professional copy-edit. But, as I’ve said before, I’m all right with that. I’m trying the iUniverse route this time, and although it might be expensive, I’m going to wait until I see the finished product before I start forming opinions.

So anyway, the book is finally moving forward, and I’m incredibly excited about that. Yay!

American vs. Canadian Grammar

I’m Canadian, and as such, I use Canadian spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Americans do not use Canadian spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Since I’ve struggled with the conversion, I thought I might share the fruits of my knowledge with you here. Some of the examples are direct Canadian-to-American issues, will some of the examples are just basic grammar know-how that I recently discovered I’ve been doing all wrong.

Alright

“Alright” is not a word. The correct usage is “All right”. Apparently “alright” was used a lot in the old days, but it’s fallen out of proper use now, and therefore we shouldn’t be using it. All right, everyone got that?

Punctuation in Quotation Marks

Consider the following example:

Janine raised her arms in a gesture that clearly meant “come hither”.

Check out the end of that phrase. In Canadian punctuation, that sentence is fine. The phrase “come hither” is self-contained, and the period goes outside the quotation marks. In American punctuation, however, you stick the period inside the quotation marks, as follows:

Robert’s face was screwed up, as if to say “I’ll kill you all with my bare teeth.”

God

I personally think this one is open to debate, but the American grammatical standard requires that the word “God” always be capitalized. Always. No exceptions. If you’re talking about multiple gods or goddesses, that’s all right. But if you are referring to one, all-knowing, all-seeing deity, you capitalize the name.

Oh

This one annoyed me. The basic rule of thumb is that any time you use the word “Oh” — as in “Oh, no!” — you have to put a comma after it. I think it looks silly. I think “Oh yeah!” reads much more smoothly than “Oh, yeah!”. But apparently that’s the standard, much as I am loathe to admit it.

Ellipsis

The ellipsis is, of course, the “…” in sentences. Here are some examples of incorrectly used ellipses:

“He’s so… gorgeous.”

“He’s so…gorgeous.”

In case that didn’t make it obvious, the problem here is the spacing. An ellipsis needs a space before and after. So, the sentence should properly read:

“He’s so … gorgeous.”

If you’ve been skipping the space before the ellipsis, like I’ve been doing, the new spacing is going to look weird. But it’s also the correct spacing, so get used to hitting that space bar!

In conclusion, grammar is annoying.

It occurs to me that only one of those examples actually had anything to do with differences between America and Canada. Oh, well.

Unrelated image of the day:

Source and credit go to: http://imgur.com/RJBcE

Categories: iUniverse, My Works, Self Publishing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 56 Comments

Poetry …

I am not a poet. Well, I am. I’m just really bad at it. Or maybe I’m really good at it, but I just think I’m bad because poetry baffles me.

Since all my writing projects are at a standstill due to extreme amounts of writer’s block (and also the beautifully addicting World of Warcraft), I shall share with you today my latest attempt at poetry.

Prepare to be awed.

time is unfolding

and memories fade

clock hands are turning

with each passing day

your words are unlocking

the secrets I keep

your presence is soothing

my mind as I sleep

a comet is streaking

a path through the stars

your kindness is healing

my hidden-most scars

the midnight bell’s tolling

brings out a rare smile

and I nod when you ask

if I’ll stay for awhile

So? Were you awed? If I shook your world to the very foundations of your soul, I apologize. It was not my intention.

Unrelated video of the day: All the Harry Potter Spells Ever

So someone went through all eight Harry Potter movies and compiled all the spells cast into one, 17 minute youtube video. It’s insane. It’s awesome. You probably won’t get more than 3 minutes in, but that’s okay.

Image Source: http://forestina-fotos.deviantart.com/art/The-Key-to-Time-Past-138106165

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , | 32 Comments

Final Tally = 11 Days

Remember that post I wrote a few weeks back, about having an addictive personality? Remember how I mentioned that I used to play World of Warcraft, that the expansion was coming out soon, and that I had to force myself to resist its siren-like allure at all costs?

I failed.

Yesterday afternoon, I purchased Mists of Pandaria, the latest World of Warcraft expansion. Now, in my defence, the expansion came out on September 25th, meaning that I managed to restrain myself from purchasing it for 11 entire days. I know, not too shabby, right?

The premise, for those of you who don’t obsessively follow online gaming, is that an island previously shrouded in fog and mystery has suddenly been discovered, and it is occupied by … wait for it … the Pandaren. Aka, anthropomorphized pandas. Pandas, ladies and gentlemen. It sounds stupid, but honestly, it’s awesome.

To help you grasp the awesome, I present to you the following cinematic trailer for Mists of Pandaria:

 

Makes you want to buy the game, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? Do you see my problem? I have no self control!!!

Anyway …

Now for the big question: how is this going to affect my writing? I have an addictive personality, and I acknowledge this. As such, I have decided to put certain restrictions on my gaming in order to ensure that I still accomplish things, and don’t become a vaguely Michelle-shaped blob slumped over at my computer desk.

First of all, I’m only allowed to play on the weekends. If I want to play on the weekdays, I have to play before 9 am, or after 9 pm. I have also started scheduling my days, as in I print off a schedule each morning and then block out my time to achieve maximum doing-things-ness. It worked really well last week, and I have high hopes that it will curb my World of Warcraft addiction and allow me to continue functioning like a normal human being.

 

In other Canadian news …

Tomorrow — okay, technically Monday, but whatever — is Canadian Thanksgiving. Normally that means going home to see my dad for roast turkey and delicious, delicious stovetop stuffing. This year, however, my friend is throwing a Game of Thrones themed Thanksgiving dinner. There will be bison roast, honey biscuits, squash soup, and iced blueberries in sweet cream. The dinner is called “A Thanksgiving of Ice and Fire”. I am going to make cupcakes, which isn’t exactly Game of Thrones themed, but who turns away free cupcakes? No one, that’s who.

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!!!

Unrelated image of the day:

Cute … or terrifying?
Source: http://i.imgur.com/Vg5jh.jpg

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

How to Write a Novel (in 10 Easy Steps)

Inspired by the 10 Steps To Becoming a Better Writer poster, I have decided to put off my work for another hour or so and instead present you with:

Step One: Learn basic grammar. Seriously. I’m not saying you need to know every in and out of the impossibly complicated English language, but at least know how to form a basic sentence. A general grasp on punctuation and capitalization is also suggested, but not required.

Step Two: Figure out why you’re writing. Is it for fun, or because you’re aiming for eventual publication? What drives your writing spirit? Is this a short-time thing, where your inspiration to write will peter out in a few days, or do you actually have the gumption to sit down and type out an entire book? If a novel sounds like a lot, try a short story first. Maybe writing isn’t your thing after all. If you decide it is your thing, continue to step 3.

Step Three: Figure out what you’re writing. What’s the genre? Plot? Characters? What audience is the book intended for? Where is it set? What are the main conflicts? Are there any conflicts? Go find some conflicts.

Step Four: Read books. Find at least 5 books in your chosen genre, and read them. Take notes. What do you like? What do you hate? What are common elements that run through all the stories? Which characters do you fall in love with? Why do you care about them? Steal all these ideas and ruthlessly exploit them for your own literary success.

Step Five: Buy a notebook. Write down your ideas. Flesh out your characters. Make a plot outline. Sketch a map of the setting. Sketch your characters (stick figures are okay). You don’t have to know every little detail of what’s going to happen in the book, but you need to at least have a vague idea, or else you’re writing blind. And then you’ll just end up writing all over your coffee table or your cat, and that won’t end well.

Step Six: Do research. Unless your book is a memoir of your own life, you’ll need to research at least something. Research can even take the form of reading more books in your genre, or watching television, especially if you’re writing fantasy or sci-fi.

Step Seven: Write the book. This can take anywhere from a weekend to several years. The important things is that you keep writing. You can stop for six months if you want, as long as you come back to the story at some point. Ideas are no good if they stay locked up inside your cranium. Set them free!

Step Eight: Walk away. The first draft of your book is probably terrible, although you won’t think so. When you’ve finished writing it, walk away. Don’t go back for at least a month. By then you should have gained some emotional distance, and will be a bit more able to hack it up into pieces and reassemble it ala Frankenstein’s monster into something that only vaguely resembles the original novel.

Step Nine: Revise. This is the “big picture” step, where you fix all the gaping plot holes and make your mass of text actually resemble a novel. Get your friends or fellow writers to help, if you want. Make your characters more consistent. Fix the climax so that it actually feels climactic. Re-write the middle so it’s not drearily dull. Go through that sucker so many times you’re seeing your characters in your sleep. Don’t develop any emotional attachments to them, however. They aren’t real, no matter how much you wish it were otherwise.

Step Ten: Edit. Time to focus on the little things. We’re talking grammar, spelling, punctuation–which, if you followed step 1, shouldn’t need that much fixing. Run a spell-check. Hire a copy-editor to catch all those typos that inevitably slip through the cracks.

Will your book be perfect? No. But you’ll still have written a book. That’s a big deal. Pat yourself on the back. Then hop back to the beginning of the list (you can probably skip step 1 at this point) and start your sequel, because series sell much better than individual books, and who doesn’t want to be the next JK Rowling? Silly people, that’s who. Are you a silly person? No. Then get writing!

Random link of the day: Chatelaine Horoscope 2012

Since it’s October, I thought it would be fun to see if their “annual” horoscope predictions were even close to being true. The results? Actually not that far off, although the predictions are so vague it’s hard not to be more or less accurate. Anyway, check out your horoscope here.

Random video of the day: Ocelote the Pro-Gamer

It still boggles my mind that people can make a living from playing online games. I might be a little jealous …

Also, his name is amusing.

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Book Review: Acceptance, by Keri Peardon

I know what you’re thinking — what’s with all the book reviews, Michelle?

Well, I recently discovered how to convert files to epub and stick them on my tablet, so now I have constant, mobile access to all the self-published novels I’m supposed to be reading and reviewing. Hence this sudden outpouring of reviews. Shocking, right? Well, hang on to your keyboards, because this latest review is going to BLOW YOU AWAY. Not literally. That would hurt.

Anyway …

The Book

“Acceptance”

The Genre

Urban Fantasy

The Author

Keri Peardon

The Plot

For more than two thousand years, a small community of humans has lived in harmony with vampires, giving their blood and obedience in exchange for protection. When Kalyn Reid comes of age and pledges herself to the vampires, she has no reason to worry. She’s paired with Anselm for her training, and she couldn’t ask for a kinder, more patient mentor. She also couldn’t ask for anyone better-looking.

But before she has a chance to learn her new responsibilities—or get a date—her idyllic life goes up in flames. Without warning, humans and vampires in her group are murdered by a strange new type of vampire, and the few survivors are forced to flee. Anselm and his brother, Micah, vow to hunt down the murderer, and they take Kalyn with them, thinking she’ll be safer with them. But when the killer finds them first, they must rely on Kalyn if any of them are to survive.

The Review

I loved this book. I was a bit worried when I heard it was a vampire story, as I’ve read some terrible vampire books just trying to jump on the Twilight bandwagon, but Acceptance is absolutely fantastic. Keri presents her readers with a new, unexpectedly religious take on vampires that hooked me in from page one, and if not for my need to sleep and work, I wouldn’t have put it down.

Kalyn is a wonderful protagonist—smart, funny, and, above all, gutsy. I loved reading about her interactions with Anselm, because she actually reacts the way a 16-year-old girl would act in the presence of her immortal crush. She’s awkward, she stammers, she says stupid things … and that made the story so much more believable and relatable for me as a result.

The plot is fairly linear, but nevertheless enjoyable. I was actually really impressed by how unafraid Keri was to kill off her characters. Seriously, they drop like flies. It reminded me of Game of Thrones, except with less incest, and more vampires.

Anyway, I thought Acceptance was a great read, and would definitely recommend it to anyone who enjoys teen romance and vampires. Even if you don’t, give it a try. It may surprise you!

The Rating

5 out of 5 stars

Click here to visit Keri Peardon’s blog.

Click here to purchase Acceptance.

Unrelated question of the day:

What the heck is going on with Facebook? I keep seeing posts from my friends saying things like, “Facebook is displaying all my private messages pre-2010”, or “Since Facebook is a publicly traded company, it can now use my pictures however they want”. Is there any truth to these claims? Is Facebook evil incarnate? Do I just have a lot of conspiracy theorist friends?

Unrelated image of the day:

Animal Puns

Categories: Book Reviews | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Update on My Self-Publishing Adventure

Let’s start off by getting the exciting news out of the way. Ready?

I finished editing my book!

So that’s, ya know, pretty good.

Just kidding. I’m ridiculously excited to be finished. No more late night editing sessions. No more second-guessing myself about what I should cut and what I should keep. No more rousing arguments with my mother over the whimsicality of the word “whirled”. Ahhhhhh …

I’m pretty psyched, not going to lie. So, what next?

I’ve sent the newly revised and shortened manuscript of Imminent Danger and How to Fly Straight into It out to my quickest reader friends. They’ll devour it over the course of a week, and give me back their impressions. Now, hypothetically the book should be flawless, so really what I’m looking for is a confirmation that the book isn’t too fast-paced now that it’s much shorter. I don’t think it is, but again, that’s what the readers are for.

Once they finish reviewing the manuscript, I’ll sent it back to my Editorial Consultant at iUniverse. I was on the phone with her today, and she’s advised me that I should get a Return Evaluation. The Return Evaluation costs $249, although she mentioned that she will be able to underwrite the cost for me, so that’s great. Remember my post about getting my Editorial Evaluation back? A “Return Evaluation” is basically the same thing. It’s even done by the same editor.

Now, here’s where things get tricky. So when I got my first Editorial Evaluation back, they advised, A) shortening the manuscript, and B) getting a copy-edit. A Return Evaluation gives the editor another chance to advise me about how to improve the book. The shortening thing is taken care of, and assuming he/she doesn’t find any new, glaring flaws, I should be good, content-wise.

That leaves the copy-edit recommendation. You see, I now have a second chance to convince this editor that my book doesn’t need an expensive copy-edit. How do I do that? By visiting The Chicago Manual of Style Online website, and signing up for their free 30 day trial, I can access their full style guide for a month. That means I can try to bring my manuscript up to the American Publisher’s Standard before re-submitting it to the editors at iUniverse, all without spending a dime.

The edits shouldn’t be extensive. I figure it will be mostly along the lines of capitalizing certain words, sticking punctuation outside of quotation marks, etc. So the plan is to spend a few days trying to copy-edit on my own (a difficult task, since as the author I’m already way too close to the material). But I’ll give it my best shot, because $2000 for a copy-edit is a lot of money, and I don’t want to spend it unless I have to.

Some of you might be wondering at this point, why pay for a copy-edit at all? Why are you even using iUniverse? Why not self-publish independently through Smashwords?

Here’s my reasoning. I already paid for the iUniverse publishing package waaaaay back in May. It’s a done deal, so no point second-guessing. Therefore, I’ve decided that, for this book, and this book alone, I’m going to go the full iUniverse publishing route. That means doing the Return Evaluation if they say so, getting a Copy-Edit if they say so, etc. Everyone I’ve talked to at iUniverse has been really great so far, and they seem very enthusiastic about helping me, so I’m 67.8% confident they’ll do right by me.

When I get the finished product in my hands, I’ll look back and judge if paying whatever the total amount comes out to was worth it or not. If it was worth it, then I’ll probably work with iUniverse again. If not, then I’ll scrap iUniverse and self-publish everything myself from now on. Call it me being foolhardy, naive, and gullible. Call it a learning experience. Whatever you want to call it, that’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it!

Adorable image of the day:

Categories: iUniverse, Self Publishing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Editing Tips: Keep Track of the Little Things

I wouldn’t consider myself an “expert” editor, but seeing as I’ve spent the last two months of my life editing Imminent Danger, I’d say I’m at least qualified to give out a few amateur tips.

Today’s topic revolves around keeping track of the little things. I’m not talking about punctuation, or spelling, or capitalization. I’m talking about remembering what your character is actually doing. As in, where are they in a particular scene? Are they standing? Are they sitting? If they were sitting and then stood up, are they still standing the next time we hop back to them? Are they holding anything? Do they not have it when they say their next line of dialogue? Where did it go?

Etc.

My biggest faux-pas with this type of thing came not in Imminent Danger, but in a Harry Potter fanfiction I wrote years ago called Harry Potter and the Dream Come True. In the story, I had Harry get magical laser eye surgery so that he wouldn’t need his glasses. I promptly forgot about that, and in the next chapter he was wearing glasses. From that point on, in some chapters he wore them, and in some chapters he didn’t. My readers were furious. They demanded I change it. I had every intention of doing so, but then I went to university and forgot all about Harry and his mysterious disappearing and reappearing glasses. Heck, it’s Hogwarts. There are weirder things there than magic glasses, am I right?

I’m probably not. That’s okay, though. Moving on!

So I’ve compiled a handy list of little things in your book/novella/screenplay/poem that you might want to keep track of in order to prevent inconsistencies and what I call “Reader Rage”. Thus, I present to you:

Keep Track of the Little Things! (a checklist)

~ Position (e.g., sitting, standing, kneeling, crouching, sprawled unconscious on the floor)

~ Attire (e.g., glasses, hat, sandals, muumuu)

~ Appearance (e.g., eye colour, hair colour, height, weight, horrendous disfigurements)

~ Current Mood (e.g., happy, depressed, furious, lustful)

~ Possessions (e.g., weapon, precious heirloom, beverage, cell phone, super-weapon of ultimate destruction)

Okay, I ran out of ideas. But you get the point! You want to avoid an Ascanius situation at all costs. And for those of you who didn’t study Classical Studies extensively and haven’t read Virgil’s Aeneid (so, no one, right?), Ascanius is a kid who varies in age from a toddler to a teenager throughout the story based on what the situation demands from him. One moment he’s leading troops into battle, the next he’s being bounced on Dido’s lap. I’m simplifying things, obviously, but that’s his age problem in a nutshell.

There aren’t enough pictures in this post, so here are various representations of Ascanius in art. Note how he varies from (winged?) baby to teenager to child:

Minor logical consistencies are indeed minor, but they’re still hella annoying if you notice them while reading. So fix them before that happens!

Random link of the day (ultimate troll edition):

Note before clicking: “Ken M” is a person who goes around and posts “troll” comments for his or her own amusement. Other commenters don’t understand he is “trolling”, and react poorly.

http://imgur.com/a/fzpg5

 

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Book Review: Once Upon a Remembrance by Grace Brannigan

Today I present to you the self-published novel Once Upon a Remembrance. The author, Grace Brannigan, sent me a bunch of her books to review, so expect to see more of them in the upcoming months!

The Book

“Once Upon a Remembrance”

The Genre

Romance

The Author

Grace Brannigan

The Plot

Photographer Isabeau Remington is transported to 1894, where she falls in love with a man she must ultimately leave behind when she returns to her own time. But things are not always as they seem, and Hawk Morgan has a secret. Someone is trying to kill him, and a prior attack has left him with no memories to defend himself against his mystery assailant. Isabeau must protect the man she loves, all the while knowing that at any moment she could return to her own time and leave him alone to face down his would-be murderer.

The Review

I really enjoyed this book. It had everything I like in a story – romance, a hint of the supernatural (time travel), a strong heroine, a dashing hero, a mystery assassin, poofy dresses, etc. The protagonist, Isabeau, was a perfect mix between confident, independent woman, and swooning damsel in distress. Not that she did a lot of swooning; usually she was the one saving Hawk (the leading man).

In terms of plot, it was fast-paced, intriguing, and had a few twists that I definitely didn’t see coming (although hints are dropped, if you pay enough attention). I found myself cheering Isabeau on as she struggled to navigate 19th century society. The love scenes were very tastefully done, and nothing R-rated was shown, but I had no trouble feeling the passion and heat the two characters were sharing.

I found a few typos, and a fun mix-up between the words “descendant” and “ancestor”, but other than that, it was a smooth read. It’s been a while since I read something in the romance genre, so this was an enjoyable return for me. In conclusion, I found Once Upon a Remembrance to be a great read, and I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who is a fan of romance novels.

The Rating

5 out of 5 stars

http://www.gracebrannigan.com/

Related image of the day:

Categories: Book Reviews | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Dealing with my Nowhere Man

So I’ve recently encountered an issue in my writing, and that issue is how I should deal with what I affectionately call my Nowhere Man character. I briefly reference this issue in my latest blog post, in which we get halfway through editing a scene and then go, “Wait … isn’t Miguri supposed to be in this scene also? Where the heck did he go?”

By “Nowhere Man”, I mean a character who’s in the scene, but isn’t directly involved in it. So in the scene I referred to in my vlog, my problem is that I have two characters engaged in a dramatic fight to the death,while the protagonist looks on, offers encouragement, and ultimately gets involved in the fight herself.

But also in the scene is Miguri, my “Nowhere Man”, who contributes absolutely nothing to the fight because he’s three feet tall and couldn’t win a fight to save his life. In the original, unedited version of that scene, I solved the problem of “What to do with Miguri?” by just not mentioning him at all for about a chapter and a half. Obviously not the best solution to dealing with him.

We puzzled over that one for a while, and ended up noting that he “hid behind a metal block” for the duration of the fight. An elegant solution? No. But that’s the issue I’m trying to address in this post.

As a character, Miguri is awesome. He’s full of sage advice, makes lots of dry comments that crack me up, and is an excellent addition to most scenes. However, sometimes he just doesn’t contribute to the scene at all, but due to the flow of the plot, he has to be in the scene or else risk causing massive plot holes. In the fight scene I was talking about, he definitely can’t contribute anything — there’s a duel to the death going on, and no one has the time to be listening to his aforementioned sage advice and dry commentary. So what do I do with him?

My answer, clearly, is to make him hide behind a block. And that’s fair enough — he’s hidden behind various large objects in previous battle scenes, so there’s a precedent. But I can’t help feeling like that’s a cop-out. If a character is in a scene, I feel like they should contribute something. Does hiding count as contributing? I just don’t know. Maybe I should have knocked him out for the whole battle. That would have shown him! But again, a rather inelegant solution.

I suppose the best way to deal with a Nowhere Man is to have them do whatever their character would reasonably do in that situation. Even if that means hiding behind a block for three chapters. It isn’t terribly exciting, and readers are liable to forget the character’s even there — but then, isn’t that what hiding is supposed to do? Make you forget the hider is there? So in that case, I succeeded magnificently at making Miguri hide, because I totally forgot he was even in the scene! Huzzah!

Banana-themed link of the day:

Swords replaced with bananas.

((Description: A variety of images in which swords are replaced with bananas. Scroll down to the bottom for an excellent LOTR gif))

Related YouTube link of the day:

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

VLOG #3 is now live!

So last night my mother and I sat down, as we are wont to do, and settled in for another editing session. I thought people might enjoy getting a look into the inner workings of our editing process (spoiler alert: it isn’t much of a process), so I recorded it, trimmed it down, and turned it into a youtube video for your viewing pleasure. Thus, without any further ado, I give to you:

Random image of the day:

Categories: Self Publishing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

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