Posts Tagged With: panda

Attack of the Were-Panda

I was going through my “Short Stories” folder on my hard drive and came across this beautiful little snippet of prose. It’s in the style of a newspaper clipping, and amuses me far more than it should. Read and enjoy!

TORONTO—In what the police are terming a “methamphetamine-induced psychotic break”, local gas station attendant Barry Yates terrorized Anime North convention-goers last night when he dressed up in a panda suit and ran around knocking over merchandise and screaming, “Flee, puny mortals! I am the were-panda!” There were no serious injuries, but several agitated parties have already filed lawsuits against Yates for aggravated assault, battery, and destruction of property.

Yates’s delusion of being a “were-panda” is likely a bastardization of the lycanthrope myth, in which a human transforms into a wolf during the full moon – known colloquially as a “were-wolf”. The reason behind Yates’s choice of panda over wolf has yet to be determined, although a police officer at the scene was overheard saying, “We think he chose panda over wolf because he just so happened to be near a panda suit when he flipped all the f***ing way out of his God damn mind.”

Yates’s life partner, a Japanese body pillow named Mitsuke, could not be reached for comment.

 

Unrelated media of the day:

John Smith and Kocoum as college students …

Check out more Disney college students here: http://hyung86.deviantart.com/gallery/40579650

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Final Tally = 11 Days

Remember that post I wrote a few weeks back, about having an addictive personality? Remember how I mentioned that I used to play World of Warcraft, that the expansion was coming out soon, and that I had to force myself to resist its siren-like allure at all costs?

I failed.

Yesterday afternoon, I purchased Mists of Pandaria, the latest World of Warcraft expansion. Now, in my defence, the expansion came out on September 25th, meaning that I managed to restrain myself from purchasing it for 11 entire days. I know, not too shabby, right?

The premise, for those of you who don’t obsessively follow online gaming, is that an island previously shrouded in fog and mystery has suddenly been discovered, and it is occupied by … wait for it … the Pandaren. Aka, anthropomorphized pandas. Pandas, ladies and gentlemen. It sounds stupid, but honestly, it’s awesome.

To help you grasp the awesome, I present to you the following cinematic trailer for Mists of Pandaria:

 

Makes you want to buy the game, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? Do you see my problem? I have no self control!!!

Anyway …

Now for the big question: how is this going to affect my writing? I have an addictive personality, and I acknowledge this. As such, I have decided to put certain restrictions on my gaming in order to ensure that I still accomplish things, and don’t become a vaguely Michelle-shaped blob slumped over at my computer desk.

First of all, I’m only allowed to play on the weekends. If I want to play on the weekdays, I have to play before 9 am, or after 9 pm. I have also started scheduling my days, as in I print off a schedule each morning and then block out my time to achieve maximum doing-things-ness. It worked really well last week, and I have high hopes that it will curb my World of Warcraft addiction and allow me to continue functioning like a normal human being.

 

In other Canadian news …

Tomorrow — okay, technically Monday, but whatever — is Canadian Thanksgiving. Normally that means going home to see my dad for roast turkey and delicious, delicious stovetop stuffing. This year, however, my friend is throwing a Game of Thrones themed Thanksgiving dinner. There will be bison roast, honey biscuits, squash soup, and iced blueberries in sweet cream. The dinner is called “A Thanksgiving of Ice and Fire”. I am going to make cupcakes, which isn’t exactly Game of Thrones themed, but who turns away free cupcakes? No one, that’s who.

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!!!

Unrelated image of the day:

Cute … or terrifying?
Source: http://i.imgur.com/Vg5jh.jpg

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

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