Posts Tagged With: sheep

Settlers of Catan Song

I love Settlers of Catan. It’s one of my favourite board games, I’ll play it anytime, and I actually win a fair amount, which is of course a plus. During some random Catan game a few years ago, I apparently penned a song about Catan, which I recently re-discovered in an old notebook. Thus I present it to you (in slightly re-touched glory) …

* * * * *

Rolling in the Sheep

(to the tune of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep“)

* * * * *

(1st verse)

I just placed my second settlement on the board

I’m rolling wood, sheep, and brick, these resources I will hoard

You may ask me what I’m planning to do

Without no ore or wheat, you think I’m pretty much screwed

* * * * *

Furthermore, you say, why didn’t you build on eight?

If we only roll that number I won’t envy you your fate

But there’s a higher power in which I trust

Catan is mine to claim, and I’ll leave you in the dust

* * * * *

The dice are rolling, my hand is growing

I can’t help thinking that I’m gonna win this game

But a trend emerges, my horror surges,

I’ve got a bad feeling …

* * * * *

(Chorus)

Oh god it’s all my fault!

I’m rolling in the sheep!

And no one wants to trade, ’cause they’re worthless

Call me the Shepherd of Defeat

* * * * *

(2nd verse)

Why won’t you trade with me, can’t you hear me sigh?

I even gave my flock some names to entice you to buy

This one’s Fluffy, here’s Buffy and Puffy too

Look at how sad they are, they wanna go home with you

* * * * *

My sheep are crying, my hopes are dying

I try to stack them, but they all come tumbling down

They’re just too squishy to build a city

I’ve got a bad feeling …

* * * * *

(Chorus)

Oh god it’s all my fault!

I’m rolling in the sheep!

And no one wants to trade, ’cause they’re worthless

Call me the Shepherd of Defeat

* * * * *

Thank you kindly for your attention. Feel free to sing this at every opportunity, including on crowded trains and subways.

Mega-Giveaway ending tomorrow!

There’s still time to enter and win a free, signed copy of my debut novel, Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight into It! Click here to check out the guidelines, and don’t forget that you’re welcome to enter as many times as you like.

Unrelated media of the day:

So this is apparently taken out of  a psychology textbook …

Categories: Blog-related, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

I’ve been tagged! Now I know how sheep feel.

Several days ago, I learned that the esteemed Sahm King has “tagged” me in his post. At first I was alarmed that he planned on shoving a bit of plastic and electronics through my ear and tracking my every movement, but then I remembered that humans aren’t livestock.

Therefore I present to you the tag rules, which are supposedly important:

  1. Post these rules.
  2. Post a photo of yourself and/or eleven random facts about yourself.
  3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
  4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them.
  5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they’ve been tagged.

I started answering these questions normally, but then I got bored. So instead I will answer them in the persona of one of the villains from my book: Commander Hroshk, captain of the Sriss’Ras’Kris battle ship, abductor of random high school students, and devoted fan of face-licking.

Since Commander Hroshk is an alien, no human has ever managed to capture his likeness on camera. However, Celeste DeWolfe has attempted an artistic rendition of one of his species, which will have to suffice:

The Ssrisk in question would be the creature with all those blue arms, not the girl in the purple hoodie. Art credit: Celeste DeWolfe

The Ssrisk is the creature with all those blue arms, not the girl in the purple hoodie.
Artist: Celeste DeWolfe

Moving on to the questions. So, Hroshk …

1. What historical figure, dead, would you most prefer to meet, and why?

A pitiful beginning to your questionnaire, foolish terrestrial. We Ssrisk do not look to the past for answers — we need only see the fear in our enemy’s eyes to know the truth of matters. And the truth is that we are the Ssrisk, and we shall crush all inferior beings beneath our claws!!!

2. Who is more awesome: Superman or Goku?

I know neither of these creatures. However, I enjoy the delightful “sssss” sound of the first candidate. Let it be known here and now that Ssssuperman is the supreme winner of this contest of awesomeness!

3. What relaxes you?

Hearing the cries of the innocent, specifically when I am the cause of them. I also enjoy a nice bowl of space jelly from time to time.

4. Where is the most interesting place you’ve visited in your lifetime?

The only location in this galaxy worth mentioning is my homeplanet Ssriss. The feeling of diving into its warm cerulean waters is akin to seeing your mate polishing your egg, or feeling an enemy’s lifeblood squirt against your scales.

5. What epitaph would you like on your headstone?

Hroshk the Mighty. He came, he hissed, he conquered.

6. If you could speak any language besides the one you speak, what would it be?

Blasphemy. As if any language could compare to the inherent majesty of the Ssrisk tongue. Keep your heresies to yourself, nameless questioner.

7. You have any favorite podcasts?

If you insist on subjecting me to this torment, at least attempt to formulate questions that make logical sense. What in Kari’s name is a “podcast”?

8. Are you willing to take a bribe?  If so, what is your highest preferred denomination?

Of course. Bribes are the primary form of currency in the Ssrisk military. I never go below 20,000 tetras. Favors are for the weak.

9. You have a choice in how the world ends: black hole or comet swarm.  Which do you choose?

Black hole. As if a comet swarm could destroy Ssrisk. Pah! We have an orbital laser defence array in place to prevent exactly such an easily-avoidable catastrophe. What a foolish question.

10. Really, is there any problem with the pimp slap?  Why?

While I do not know what a “pimp” is, I heartily approve of slapping — or any form of violence, for that matter.

11. What would you say is your motivation for waking up every day?

My motivation is simple — I wish to increase my own material wealth, spread the glory of the Ssrisk through the galaxy, and crush all inferior life forms in my claws until they grovel before me and swear eternal servitude.

 

I have way too much work to do, so here’s my tag: if you want to answer the following questions, consider yourself officially tagged. Here are the questions:

  1. Which animal would you choose to rule the world? (humans don’t count)
  2. Do you sing in the shower? Best song?
  3. Folk music — yay or nay?
  4. Why did the chicken cross the road?
  5. A historical figure comes back to life, and you have one afternoon to spend with them. Who is it, and what do you do?
  6. Which is cooler — flip phones or smart phones?
  7. If your life were a colour, what colour would it be and why?
  8. If you could be the author of either Twilight or Fifty Shades, which would you choose?
  9. When you read the number “9”, do you immediately say, “Number nine, number nine” like in that Beatles song?
  10. Unicorns or pegasi?
  11. What is the evillest corporation on this planet?

Happy tagging!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

Categories: Blog-related | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Update on My Self-Publishing Adventure

Let’s start off by getting the exciting news out of the way. Ready?

I finished editing my book!

So that’s, ya know, pretty good.

Just kidding. I’m ridiculously excited to be finished. No more late night editing sessions. No more second-guessing myself about what I should cut and what I should keep. No more rousing arguments with my mother over the whimsicality of the word “whirled”. Ahhhhhh …

I’m pretty psyched, not going to lie. So, what next?

I’ve sent the newly revised and shortened manuscript of Imminent Danger and How to Fly Straight into It out to my quickest reader friends. They’ll devour it over the course of a week, and give me back their impressions. Now, hypothetically the book should be flawless, so really what I’m looking for is a confirmation that the book isn’t too fast-paced now that it’s much shorter. I don’t think it is, but again, that’s what the readers are for.

Once they finish reviewing the manuscript, I’ll sent it back to my Editorial Consultant at iUniverse. I was on the phone with her today, and she’s advised me that I should get a Return Evaluation. The Return Evaluation costs $249, although she mentioned that she will be able to underwrite the cost for me, so that’s great. Remember my post about getting my Editorial Evaluation back? A “Return Evaluation” is basically the same thing. It’s even done by the same editor.

Now, here’s where things get tricky. So when I got my first Editorial Evaluation back, they advised, A) shortening the manuscript, and B) getting a copy-edit. A Return Evaluation gives the editor another chance to advise me about how to improve the book. The shortening thing is taken care of, and assuming he/she doesn’t find any new, glaring flaws, I should be good, content-wise.

That leaves the copy-edit recommendation. You see, I now have a second chance to convince this editor that my book doesn’t need an expensive copy-edit. How do I do that? By visiting The Chicago Manual of Style Online website, and signing up for their free 30 day trial, I can access their full style guide for a month. That means I can try to bring my manuscript up to the American Publisher’s Standard before re-submitting it to the editors at iUniverse, all without spending a dime.

The edits shouldn’t be extensive. I figure it will be mostly along the lines of capitalizing certain words, sticking punctuation outside of quotation marks, etc. So the plan is to spend a few days trying to copy-edit on my own (a difficult task, since as the author I’m already way too close to the material). But I’ll give it my best shot, because $2000 for a copy-edit is a lot of money, and I don’t want to spend it unless I have to.

Some of you might be wondering at this point, why pay for a copy-edit at all? Why are you even using iUniverse? Why not self-publish independently through Smashwords?

Here’s my reasoning. I already paid for the iUniverse publishing package waaaaay back in May. It’s a done deal, so no point second-guessing. Therefore, I’ve decided that, for this book, and this book alone, I’m going to go the full iUniverse publishing route. That means doing the Return Evaluation if they say so, getting a Copy-Edit if they say so, etc. Everyone I’ve talked to at iUniverse has been really great so far, and they seem very enthusiastic about helping me, so I’m 67.8% confident they’ll do right by me.

When I get the finished product in my hands, I’ll look back and judge if paying whatever the total amount comes out to was worth it or not. If it was worth it, then I’ll probably work with iUniverse again. If not, then I’ll scrap iUniverse and self-publish everything myself from now on. Call it me being foolhardy, naive, and gullible. Call it a learning experience. Whatever you want to call it, that’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it!

Adorable image of the day:

Categories: iUniverse, Self Publishing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

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