I was going through my old file folders yesterday, and I discovered this absolute gem of poetry. It’s rather terrible, quite absurd, and has a moral which is totally incorrect and should definitely never be learned by any child ever. Cringe and enjoy!
A Toothbrush’s Tale
***
Fred the toothbrush was a sorry sight,
For his toothbrush friends knew not his sad plight.
This young little toothbrush was unhappy, you see,
His plastic casing oppressed him; he sought to be free!
***
“But Fred,” his mother said, “That’s quite absurd,”
“All toothbrushes are plastic, haven’t you heard?
I love you, my son, but to be quite frank,
Your mental skills I couldn’t take to the bank.”
***
Disheartened and miserable, Fred looked away,
And resolved to leave town the very next day.
Away from Toothbrushia little Fred would fly,
For hope gave him wings, much like a pie.
***
Far past the Cheesecake Mountains he flew,
Dodging the cavities, root canals, and goo,
Then to Toffee Lake, that abominable mess,
Delight of little children, but alas, I digress.
***
Finally came our hero to a castle on the sand,
Where, waving from the window, was a tiny old man.
“Come, little toothbrush, I can help you!”
Cried the old man, sitting on the loo.
***
Eagerly young Fred alighted at his side,
“I hate being plastic,” the poor toothbrush cried.
“Don’t worry!” the man said, “That form’s such a joke!
Soon you’ll metamorphize into an oak!”
***
“An oak?” Fred stammered. “But what can that be?”
“Why, you silly toothbrush, an oak is a tree!”
“But I don’t want to be wooden,” the toothbrush said.
“Don’t worry,” the man chuckled, “it’s like being dead.”
***
Terrified, poor Fred ran for the door,
But the old man pinned him via two-by-four.
“Abracadabra!” he cackled with glee.
And just like that, Fred turned into a tree.
***
The good folks of Toothbrushia soon forget Fred had left,
They cried for a while, but they weren’t very bereft.
So you see, little children, the point of this story,
Don’t complain, and don’t whine, or you’ll be sorry.
***
Unrelated media of the day:
Source: http://imgur.com/gallery/ujrztwP
Michelle Proulx - Author 
That’s a hilarious poem. Also, I think I’m going to join the cookie group.
See, I’ve never really been a Hufflepuff fan … until I saw this image and realized how freakin’ awesome they are!
Winning fans with pastries. It’s the best way to go.
Isn’t it wonderful…frightening…enlightening…embarrassing to stumble onto something you wrote years ago? I found a make-shift book of short stories and poems I wrote in high school (1963) and I blushed. What a weird space I occupied back then but it had some rather interesting ideas buried in the garble.
Definitely terrifying, lol. I went through a rather dark period in high school — not like, in actual emotions, but all the writing I produced was really depressing, for some reason. I’ve also noticed that I had a tendency to end all my poems/stories with the protagonist dying in some silly way. Although, to be fair, I still do that, lol.
Reblogged this on Mari Wells and commented:
Adorable little poem for kids. Michelle is very talented go check her out!
I love it, and reblogged it too.
Woo!! Thanks 🙂
Wow… poor little “like being dead” Oak Tree Fred. I’m impressed such an old man could wield a 2×4 while on the toilet. lol And can I just say that I’d LOVE to live by the Cheesecake Mountains? Who’s the realtor in that area? 🙂
Bob Gumdrop would be the realtor. I can send you the contact info if you want. And lol about the oak tree thing. I’ve noticed that a lot of my stories/poems end up with my characters dying 😀
Poor little Fred. What a terrible fate. Love this. How old were you when you wrote it?
Haha um, it was from my “Enigma” short story group back in university … third year, I think? So … I would have been about 20? Don’t judge me!!! Lol.
OMG!! This is adorable! I wish I could remember the words to the snowball poem I found a few years ago:(
Haha thanks 🙂 A snowball poem! That sounds even more adorable! Silly poets unite!
This was so much fun!! Thanks for sharing! 😀
Haha my pleasure. Pro blogging tip — when you run out of actual content for posts, share ridiculous poetry!
In that case… I shall never be a pro blogger, lol. I can’t even right bad poetry… I could fit in with the Vogans
Absolute gold. I love that pies inherently have wings.
Hahaha but of course 🙂
Oh. My. Gosh. This is sooo cute and hilarious.
Haha thanks 🙂