My Poem: “A Toothbrush’s Tale”

I was going through my old file folders yesterday, and I discovered this absolute gem of poetry. It’s rather terrible, quite absurd, and has a moral which is totally incorrect and should definitely never be learned by any child ever. Cringe and enjoy!

A Toothbrush’s Tale

***

Fred the toothbrush was a sorry sight,

For his toothbrush friends knew not his sad plight.

This young little toothbrush was unhappy, you see,

His plastic casing oppressed him; he sought to be free!

***

“But Fred,” his mother said, “That’s quite absurd,”

“All toothbrushes are plastic, haven’t you heard?

I love you, my son, but to be quite frank,

Your mental skills I couldn’t take to the bank.”

***

Disheartened and miserable, Fred looked away,

And resolved to leave town the very next day.

Away from Toothbrushia little Fred would fly,

For hope gave him wings, much like a pie.

***

Far past the Cheesecake Mountains he flew,

Dodging the cavities, root canals, and goo,

Then to Toffee Lake, that abominable mess,

Delight of little children, but alas, I digress.

***

Finally came our hero to a castle on the sand,

Where, waving from the window, was a tiny old man.

“Come, little toothbrush, I can help you!”

Cried the old man, sitting on the loo.

***

Eagerly young Fred alighted at his side,

“I hate being plastic,” the poor toothbrush cried.

“Don’t worry!” the man said, “That form’s such a joke!

Soon you’ll metamorphize into an oak!”

***

“An oak?” Fred stammered. “But what can that be?”

“Why, you silly toothbrush, an oak is a tree!”

“But I don’t want to be wooden,” the toothbrush said.

“Don’t worry,” the man chuckled, “it’s like being dead.”

***

Terrified, poor Fred ran for the door,

But the old man pinned him via two-by-four.

“Abracadabra!” he cackled with glee.

And just like that, Fred turned into a tree.

***

The good folks of Toothbrushia soon forget Fred had left,

They cried for a while, but they weren’t very bereft.

So you see, little children, the point of this story,

Don’t complain, and don’t whine, or you’ll be sorry.

***

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Categories: Random, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , | 21 Comments

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21 thoughts on “My Poem: “A Toothbrush’s Tale”

  1. That’s a hilarious poem. Also, I think I’m going to join the cookie group.

  2. Isn’t it wonderful…frightening…enlightening…embarrassing to stumble onto something you wrote years ago? I found a make-shift book of short stories and poems I wrote in high school (1963) and I blushed. What a weird space I occupied back then but it had some rather interesting ideas buried in the garble.

    • Definitely terrifying, lol. I went through a rather dark period in high school — not like, in actual emotions, but all the writing I produced was really depressing, for some reason. I’ve also noticed that I had a tendency to end all my poems/stories with the protagonist dying in some silly way. Although, to be fair, I still do that, lol.

  3. Reblogged this on Mari Wells and commented:
    Adorable little poem for kids. Michelle is very talented go check her out!

  4. I love it, and reblogged it too.

  5. Wow… poor little “like being dead” Oak Tree Fred. I’m impressed such an old man could wield a 2×4 while on the toilet. lol And can I just say that I’d LOVE to live by the Cheesecake Mountains? Who’s the realtor in that area? 🙂

    • Bob Gumdrop would be the realtor. I can send you the contact info if you want. And lol about the oak tree thing. I’ve noticed that a lot of my stories/poems end up with my characters dying 😀

  6. Gwen Stephens

    Poor little Fred. What a terrible fate. Love this. How old were you when you wrote it?

    • Haha um, it was from my “Enigma” short story group back in university … third year, I think? So … I would have been about 20? Don’t judge me!!! Lol.

  7. OMG!! This is adorable! I wish I could remember the words to the snowball poem I found a few years ago:(

  8. This was so much fun!! Thanks for sharing! 😀

  9. Absolute gold. I love that pies inherently have wings.

  10. Oh. My. Gosh. This is sooo cute and hilarious.

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