“Seven Harry Potters” Scene – Re-written

Once upon a time, Harry Potter was about to turn seventeen. He knew that the second the clock struck midnight, Voldemort and his Death Eaters would arrive to capture him.Β He also found out that a corrupt Ministry of Magic official had made it an imprisonable offence for him to use Floo powder, portkeys, or Apparition to escape.

All seemed hopeless, and Harry thought he would have no choice but to let six of his friends use Polyjuice potion and pretend to be him. With these seven Harry Potters, the Death Eaters wouldn’t know which Harry was which when they made their daring escape — although this would also put his friends in great danger, and might very well end in their death and/or dismemberment.

Then Harry remembered that he wasn’t a complete idiot, and that he didn’t care about being imprisoned since the Ministry was already under Voldemort’s thumb. So he told Moody and the Order of the Phoenix to call off their ridiculous plan, and he waited more-or-less peacefully in the Dursley’s house right up until his birthday.

At three seconds to midnight, he Apparated to some random field in the middle of nowhere. He knew that the Death Eaters would follow him, but he wasn’t worried, because he remembered that he wasn’t playing an online game, and that the Apparate spell doesn’t have a cooldown.

So Harry immediately Apparated again — straight to the Burrow, this time — and the Death Eaters had no idea where he went because by then it was past midnight, he was now seventeen, and the trace spell that the Ministry used on him to track his underage magic usage had stopped working.

Harry Potter therefore arrived safe and sound at the Burrow without putting any of his friends in danger, or getting anyone’s ear blown off, and everyone was very happy to see him and they all ate treacle tart to celebrate.

The End.


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30 thoughts on ““Seven Harry Potters” Scene – Re-written

  1. This made crack me up.

    I reread the first book recently, thanks to Amazon Prime. I enjoyed it a lot more without my friends and family breathing on me asking me if it was wonderful (I did not enjoy Potter mania). I thought it was weird that they celebrated Christmas, because it didn’t seem like any of the people in the story were Christian.

    • You didn’t enjoy Potter mania??? Gasp! I guess it helped that I was one of the first in my family/friend circle to jump on the Potter bandwagon — that way I was the one harassing everyone else to read the books, and not the other way around πŸ™‚

      Yeah, I never quite got why they celebrated Christmas either. But then, a lot of people celebrate Christmas who aren’t religious — but they twist it so the holiday has nothing to do with what it was originally intended for, and so it’s more about being with family, giving gifts, eating turkey, etc. I wonder what religion HP characters would be? Hmmm … I don’t think it’s ever really mentioned …

  2. I’m sensing you have issues with part of the story. πŸ˜‰

    • Ha. A little bit, yeah. I tend to have issues whenever common sense is discarded in favour of having a cool fight scene. At least in the later books Harry gave up his irritating habit of never telling the adults anything of importance — instead, he reported every little suspicion that crossed his mind to whoever would listen, and they invariably told him to stop worrying so much and take a chill pill. Not the best solution, but at least there wasn’t any more of that “Hmm, should I tell Professor McGonagall or Professor Lockhart about the basilisk in the castle? Definitely Lockhart. His stupidity and general incompetence will surely help us win the day!” nonsense.

  3. itsthelitchick

    This was absolutely hilarious.

  4. RIP George’s ear

  5. Reblogged this on mishaburnett and commented:
    For my Potterphile friends

  6. And what about poor Hedwig?

  7. Pingback: Jeff Starr’s Harry Potter and the Veil of Death | The Blog That Made No Sense

  8. As much as I would *love* this happening and Mad-Eye and Hedwig *not* dying (as well as George keeping his ear!) It couldn’t happen, The Ministry had watch on apparition. They could tell where he apparated too too if they looked. Also, don’t forget, that was the night they though Voldemort would be there; and you bet yours aunts monkey that he could put a no-apparition barrier around the house. Plus, part of the whole thing was to allow it to be a sort of proof of loyalty and credence for Snape to Voldemort, which meant Voldemort *had* to be there on the right day, and see it was right.

    • Maybe I misread that part — I thought the book said that the Ministry had a watch on Harry’s magic, since he was underaged, and that they’d made it illegal for anyone to apparate in or out of the house. I don’t think they can actually track your apparition — otherwise they would have easily been able to track Harry/Ron/Hermione as they wandered all over the countryside? Fair point about Voldy being there that night, though … maybe Harry should have peace out a day or two early, and just not told anyone where he was going so the Death Eaters couldn’t anticipate him?

    • The Ministry DID have a watch on apparition, but only on underage wizards. If he apparated 3 seconds before midnight, the ministry would be able to see the initial destination, but the trace would break by the time he got to wherever he was going, and he could apparate (as a 17 year old with no trace) back to the burrow. Only Snape and Dumbledore knew about the loyalty thing, so Snape would have just been screwed. Although, he’s an accomplished Legilimens (sp? I’m not that big of a geek to know how to properly spell that), so if he cornered someone in the order, he would be able to figure out this plan and create some sort of response.

      • Well, that’s why I figure that Harry wouldn’t tell anyone the plan, knowing that secrets can be betrayed. Instead, he’d send a message to the Order saying, “Dun worry, peeps, I got diz” (because he’s an internet gangsta, clearly), and then he’d just enact his cunning plan with no one the wiser!

  9. Too funny.

  10. Makes a little more sense. (>^-‘)>

    (Floobing Newman…)

  11. This is fantastic. πŸ™‚

    • Hahaha thanks. Did you sense my frustration with how things go in the book?

      • I WAS able to crack your code, actually :). I loved the books, but I always wonder…if they know Voldemort’s coming back EVERY SINGLE YEAR, why are they always surprised by it?

        I also think there’s a major flaw in quittage. I mean, 90% of the team are busting their butts to play a soccer-like game on flying broomsticks, yet when ONE player chances upon a ping-pong hummingbird, the game is over and most often all the efforts of the other players were for naught. Now, in the books it explains that the end of year house cup goes to the team with the most POINTS not the most WINS. That helps a little, but still…kind of dumb.

        But I can’t help it. Rowlings is a genius and I love the books and movies :P.

        • Genius A+. And yeah, lol, Quidditch never made a ton of sense. I think it would have been better if the snitch was worth less — like, 50 points, rather than 150. But then, I suppose, they needed the snitch to be really valuable to rationalize having 1/7th of the team exclusively devoted to searching for it. Maybe 100 points? Hmmm …

          • I was thinking more along the lines of where catching the snitch was a bit easier and happened more than once a match. Catching it brought an in-game penalty to your opponent but nothing more. I mean if I were a different player, I would just stop and fly around to help my seeker lol

            • Haha yeah, good point. I mean, I think everyone on the team keeps their eye out for the Snitch to some degree, but … 150 points, you’d think that would be everyone’s main focus!

              Multiple snitch captures … very interesting! Of course, the problem with that is you have to change the game setup. Since the game currently ends when you catch the snitch, it would have to be something more along the limes of a time limit to the game, or maybe a point cap? E.g., first to 200 points wins? Although then you can’t really determine team rankings by points scored, so maybe a time limit is better? Hmmm …

  12. Pingback: “Seven Harry Potters” Scene – Re-written | Phil Partington, author page

  13. Ha! So hilarious. I never even really thought about that. You’re a genius. πŸ™‚

    • Perhaps (she said modestly). Haha no but seriously, if Harry had actually done that, the book would have been a lot less exciting than it was. Sometimes logic must be abandoned for the sake of a good story πŸ˜€

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