Amateur Blogging Tip: How NOT to Request a Guest Post

I received a very amusing email a few days ago. I shall now reproduce it here for your enjoyment:

Hello Sir,

I thought I would send a quick email after coming across your website earlier today and I would like to guest post on your site. My idea for the Post is about book publishing,I believe my idea for the Guest Post will suit your website. In return, I would like to have 1 backlink in the post.

Please let me know if my idea for the Guest Post suits you, and also if there are any terms and conditions about Guest Posting.

The post will be around 400-500 words and 100% unique.

Also I would like to know how soon can you publish it?

((etc.))

In the aftermath of this excellent email, I have decided to put together a quick list of tips for requesting guest posts. Actually, these rules don’t have to apply just to requesting a guest post — they really apply to whenever you’re asking anyone for anything. So, I now present to you:

How to request writing an unsolicited guest post without brutally offending the blogger in question

  1. Get their gender right. I know that the name “Michelle” is technically a unisex name (according to nameplayground.com, it’s used for boys 0.23% of the time). But still … if you’re going to be gender-specific in your query, take the time to find a bio or picture of the person and figure out if they’re a guy or a girl. Otherwise you run the risk of calling a woman “Sir”, which is just embarrassing for everyone involved. (Pro tip: When in doubt, just address them by name, and forego the “sir” or “madam” entirely!)
  2. Know your audience. This person’s email reads like a hard-core business message. The email is laid out like a contract — “I will do this, in return you will do this. Here are the specifications of my offer, here is my guarantee for originality, what timeline can I expect for our deal to conclude?” And that works really well if you’re emailing, say, Microsoft. But if you’re contacting a part-time blogger whose content quite clearly indicates that they’re writing for fun and to connect with the blogging community, tone down the business-talk a little!
  3. Capitalization Is Annoying. Capitalization is for proper nouns. “Post” and “guest post” are not proper nouns. They are normal, boring, improper nouns. Don’t capitalize them!
  4. Run a spell check. The reasoning for this rule should be self-evident. Spelling and grammar save lives!

In other news, I’m quite excited for my book reading/signing tomorrow evening at local library. I think I convinced a few people to come, but I still suspect I’ll be babbling to a mostly-empty room. On the plus side, I talked my friend into being my “reader wrangler”, so hopefully that will up the attendance a little. Check back in a few days for my victorious/lugubrious report on the book reading!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

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Publishing with iUniverse — Yea or Nay?

Almost forgot! I recently decided to get my act together and write up a brief review of iUniverse. Read on!

Michelle Proulx's avatar

Before we get into the nitty gritty details of this topic, let’s begin with establishing what exactly iUniverse is, and what makes it different from traditional publishing and self-publishing. In a nutshell, there are three types of publishing:

publishing chartSo there’s the breakdown. iUniverse is an assisted/vanity publisher, meaning you pay them money and they publish your book for you. Assisted/vanity publishers have a God-awful reputation amongst self-published authors, due to their tendency to squeeze authors for every penny they have. There have also been all sorts of lawsuits filed over missed/inaccurate royalty payments, publishing books without the author’s permission, etc. On the other hand, many authors have gone with assisted/vanity publishers and been perfectly satisfied.

So … iUniverse — Yea or Nay?

The Good

  • The friendliness. Every employee I have ever spoken to at iUniverse has been incredibly polite, friendly, and eager to assist me in any way they can…

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Embracing the Flames Official Release Giveaway!

Massive congrats to Candace Knoebel on the birthday of book 2 of her Born in Flames trilogy! Check it out 🙂

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Ten Things You Can Do With Short Stories

Great short story writing/publishing tips!

John Moralee's avatarmybookspage

Short stories are strange little things.  They are easy to write – but not so easy to sell.  Unlike novels, which require a lot of time to finish, a short story can be written in a few hours and ready to submit within a week – but what do you do with them then?

Ten Things You Can Do With Short Stories

  1. Submit them to professional paying magazines.  There are many paying markets out there for short stories, but this is a tough market.  It is a crowded field because so many people write short stories thinking they are easier to sell than novels, which is not necessary true.  Most high-circulation magazines use established writers to fill their editions, leaving only a few places per year for other writers.  Every magazine paying professional rates will receive hundreds of submissions per week.  Many editors keep stories for years before publishing them…

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VLOG #10 — Festivals & The Wheel of Imminent Danger!

Guys, I hate to say this, but … I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. And by jelly, I am, of course, talking about my new vlog! It will feature:

  • My brother and I attempting to paint the Wheel of Imminent Danger
  • Footage from the Gathering on the Green arts festival
  • Footage from the For the Love of Arts street festival

To give some background, a family friend was awesome and built me a prize wheel (think Wheel of Fortune, but smaller and vertical). So Jesse (my brother) and I painted it with pretty colors, stuffed it in the car, and hauled it to assorted festivals over the last few weeks. The first festival went very well, the second very poorly — but fun was had, wheels were spun, books were sold, and candy was consumed. Watch the vlog to find out more!

 

 

Unrelated link of the day:

There’s still time to apply for the Mars One reality show! Never mind the fact that, with our current technology, you’ll probably receive a lethal dose of radiation whilst en route to Mars and subsequently die a horrible death!

Seriously though, Mars One is pretty cool. Click here to learn more about it.

Categories: My Works | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Amateur Writing Tip — When World-building, Consider Population

Today’s amateur writing tip is courtesy of my little brother Jesse, who enjoys dissecting my story ideas and informing me why they make no logical sense. Think Spock, but taller and wearing glasses.

On one of our recent walks, we were chatting about a new fantasy story I’ve been working on. The basic premise (not to give too much away) is that monsters have over-run the ground, so humans have taken to the sky in a handful of floating cities to survive. There are still a bunch of humans on the ground, but they live in small, scattered tribes and rely on nature magic to repel the beasties. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong.

As Jesse explained to me, the driving force behind a large percentage of historical events is population. After all, when your population keeps growing and you’re running out of land, what can you do but expand? Conversely, if your population is shrinking, you’re going to be weaker, losing ground and resources, and slowly but surely heading for decline and failure.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that populations don’t remain stagnant. They either grow or shrink — unless there’s some sort of population-control in effect (see China’s one child policy). So what does this mean for world-building?

Population and world-building

Even if your fantasy world is full of wizards and dragons and whatnot who totally defy the laws of logic, your unwashed peasant masses still need to make sense, population-wise. Therefore, read on and be amazed!

A) Be wary of isolated villages

You can dot your fantasy landscape with small villages until the sun comes down, but the important thing to remember is that they cannot be isolated villages. Although isolated villages make great settings, they don’t actually make sense. If you’ve got a little village of 100 people who never interact with other villages and just live in their own little world, what happens? They inbreed, because there’s no outside blood. Inbreeding, for the record, is bad. So if you’re going to have a bunch of little villages, make sure there’s some system in place for inter-marriage between the villages. Unless you want your village to be full of inbred people, in which case, isolate those villages to your heart’s content, my friend.

Update: In response to Matthew Cook’s comment, I did a little research, and it turns out that while inbreeding is generally a bad thing, in some cases it actually can produce healthy populations with few negative consequences — so long as the village is big enough (i.e., a few hundred people or more). So, isolated villages aren’t necessarily going to turn all your characters into gibbering morons … but you should only have isolated villages if you’re ready for the consequences inherent therein! (Click here to read an essay about inbreeding in human populations.)

B) Large populations require resources

By resources, I’m talking vast tracts of farmland. Now, your city doesn’t necessarily have to be right next to farmland, or even own farmland — it just needs to have access, somehow, to food. In my case, I’ve got floating cities where all the real estate is taken up by dwellings and assorted buildings. No room for farmland there. So instead I’ve created mountain-top farming communities that provide food for the skycities in exchange for the assorted goods manufactured in the cities. Go food or go home!

C) Population affects politics

Imagine your world is overrun by monsters, gobbling up everyone in their path. You flee with the few survivors to a city in the clouds. Now, as you sit up there, struggling to rebuild your society and recover from this devastating loss of life, are you going to attempt a government coup? Of course not. You’ve got more important things to worry about – such as, for example, not dying. But jump a few hundred years down the road, and now your city is thriving. Suddenly your population is booming — what do you do with all these people? You need to get rid of them, because they’re crowding up the slums and causing problems, but there’s nowhere to send them. You turn to the government for help, but they have no idea what to do with the excess populace either. And so … BAM! Civil unrest.

D) Attempts at controlling population growth rarely end well

Ever read Ender’s Game? The world is over-populated, so the government passes a law that you can only have two children — if you have a third child, they won’t get access to health care, education, etc. But guess what? Even with all the horrible consequences of having too many children, people do it anyway. So if you’re going to explain your stagnant population as a result of population control, assume that there’s going to be a lot of unrest amongst your society about it. Unless, of course, your population control is magical in nature — then you can do whatever the heck you want. I suggest creating a spell where excess children are transformed into parakeets. You can never have too many parakeets.

Basically, what I’m trying and failing to convey here is that population matters. I know most writers would rather focus on the fun stuff, like “What should I name Jeremiah’s magical talking sword?”, or “Can I get away with making Sara both the Empress of Cavortas and the high priestess of Zinzar?”. But if you’re creating a fantasy world, you absolutely have to consider the population. You don’t have to consider for long — goodness knows you have more important things to do with your life — but please, for the love of logic, just make sure you aren’t creating a world that makes absolutely no sense. Otherwise you’ll end up with a Hunger Games scenario, where the tiny population of a single city has control over the entirety of North America, and the rest of the world has either died off or, for some bizarre reason, has chosen to have no contact with North America despite the obvious and necessary benefits of international trade.

Unrelated media of the day:

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , | 34 Comments

iUniverse Royalty Report (Jan-Mar 2013)

Ladies and gentleman, I’m pleased to announce that I have officially received my royalty report from iUniverse for the months of January-March. The report came in on June 7th … a full week after it was supposed to … but still, it’s here! Huzzah!

After cross-checking my meticulous book sales records (a Word doc bullet list), I have determined that the royalties they’ve reported are correct. So props to iUniverse for their accurate accounting department!

I shall now divulge the sales stats for my first three months of sales under iUniverse:

  • Softcovers sold = 68
  • Hardcovers sold = 56
  • Ebooks:
    • Amazon = 33
    • B&N = 3
    • Kobo = 6

Tada! My sub-par yet inspiring stats for January-March. I’m pretty sure I have you guys to thank for those ebook sales, so thank you!!!

As for the softcovers/hardcovers, I know what you’re thinking — Gosh, Michelle, over 100 sold! That’s pretty darn good! Maybe print books aren’t dead after all! Now, that would be true, except that 100 of those were bought by me, for the purposes of re-sale/giving away. On the plus side, that leaves 24 print books unaccounted for — which I think is pretty darn cool!

Are these sales amazing? Goodness, no. Compared to some of my fellow bloggers, who complain when their sales drop under 50 a day, these stats are just pathetic. But hey, that’s cool! First book, crazy fluctuating ebook prices, wrong genre classification, questionably genre-appropriate cover, overpriced print copies, no up-to-date sales records for marketing analysis … I’m quite satisfied with the results thus far. Huzzah!

It does make me wonder how my sales would be if I’d not gone with iUniverse, and instead done something like KDP through Amazon. I suppose I’ll find out soon enough, though — now that Chasing Nonconformity, the sequel to Imminent Danger, is well into the editing stages, I’m starting to make plans to self-publish the sequel, as well as re-release Imminent Danger through KDP. This will likely necessitate splitting from iUniverse, something which I’m trying to feel sad about, but … somehow the emotion just isn’t there. Hehehe …

Anyway, for anyone wondering how I was doing, sales-wise, above is all the information I have. This info can also serve as a benchmark to my fellow self-published writers — if you’re selling better than me, clearly you’re doing something right! And if you feel like letting me in on what that something is, please, by all means, feel free. Live long and prosper, blogosphere!

Semi-related image of the day:

Semi-related video of the day:

I present to you now, “Dirty Cash” by BigBang, who are arguably the most popular boy band in South Korea. (To KPOP fans — I said arguably! Put away your weapons!) As you will gather when they sing the chorus, they don’t want your dirty cash. They’re quite firm on this point.

Categories: iUniverse, Self Publishing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

Restoring faith in humanity.

Awesome bookshop sign.

Categories: Random | 7 Comments

Pictures From My Assorted Book Events (OMG)

It just occurred to me that I haven’t shared any pictures from either the Chapters book signing or the Gathering on the Green festival from last weekend. Shame!

First of all, we have some choice photos from the Chapters book signing …

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Me at the signing with my shiny book.

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Mother and I chilling at the table near the end of the signing.

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Just chattin’ up some peeps. No biggy.

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My friends stopped by to say hi.

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Dramatic shot of the table.

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Mother is amused. I am not.

Next up, select photos from the Gathering on the Green folk festival …

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The Wheel of Imminent Danger! (And my friend Peter, who helped set up the booth.)

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Me, myself, and I.

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Jesse (my brother) setting up the tent.

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Dramatic shot of the table, including the legend for the Wheel of Imminent Danger!

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Jesse and I at the booth. Note our classy set-up, tablecloth included.

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Close-up of our classy book display.

There you have it, folks! Two events down, two to go! Well, two that are scheduled, at least. I’m sure I’ll accidentally sign up for a few more before the summer ends. Thanks again to the lovely Rhiannon for photographing the above pictures. To see even more photos from these events, click here.

Unrelated media of the day:

I think we’ve had quite enough pictures for one day, don’t you? Here’s a cute video of a dog attempting to sing and play the piano.

Categories: My Works | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 49 Comments

Beta Readers — The Agonizing Wait

As much as I complain about how mind-numbing editing and re-writing can be, I actually do really enjoy the writing process. Although banging out that first draft is definitely my favourite part of writing, the subsequent months/years of editing can be quite fun, and it’s all worth it when you get to sit down and read your finished, polished, wonderful story.

But there’s one part of writing I absolutely cannot stand. And that part, my friends, is waiting for beta readers to read the manuscript.

It drives me crazy! Working for months and months to produce a piece of writing you think is finally ready for other human eyes to see, sending it off to a select few … and then waiting and waiting and waiting for them to respond with their critiques. Obviously, I’m incredibly appreciative that they’re bothering to read my story at all, and I recognize that reading an unpolished manuscript is time-consuming. But I want to get their suggestions and get started on revising now, dammit!

The obvious solution is, of course, to impose a time limit on the beta reading process. Except that doesn’t work, because my elite beta reading team knows that I value their opinions, and that I will wait as long as necessary to receive said opinions. Curse my dependency! Curse it!

I need another strategy! Any suggestions on how to increase beta reader reading time / productivity? Any suggestions on how to keep my sanity whilst waiting for the critiques to return? Any suggestions on how to deal with people at festival booths who ramble on about astronomy for thirty minutes and scare off potential customers while you smile and nod and wish they would go away?

Reminder: Enter the Imminent Danger Goodreads Giveaway!

Click here to enter — open to CA, USA, UK, and AU.

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