Posts Tagged With: funny

3 Awesome Things To Get You Through Friday

Friday is awesome because it’s the last day of the week, but it also sucks because you have to get through the entire work day before you can enjoy your weekend. Here are some fun things I’ve found around the internet that put a smile on my face. Hopefully they’ll cheer you up, too!

#1 I Take It You Already Know

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, lough and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird,
And dead: it’s said like bed, not bead –
For goodness sake don’t call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there’s dose and rose and lose –
Just look them up – and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart –
Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I’d mastered it when I was five!

#2 Star Wars Gangsta Rap

#3 The Avengers, Abridged

Note: This is an excerpt from the script. To view the entire script, click here.

The HEROES decide to bring TOM HIDDLESTON back to their BASE, because apparently DUE PROCESS applies to TRICKSTER GODS as well. Suddenly, CHRIS HEMSWORTH shows up and chastises TOM.

CHRIS HEMSWORTH

I have come to stop you, brah!

(pause)

Er, I mean, do I look to be in a gaming mood? Betwixt! Verily!

TOM HIDDLESTON

Brother, it must have taken every ounce of the All-father’s hurberble to plugurble you back to Earth. Let’s discuss it no more.

Suddenly, HEMSWORTH, EVANS, and ROBERT look around and notice it’s their first on-screen appearance together.

CHRIS HEMSWORTH

Quick, someone think of a super contrived reason for us to fight!

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

I’ll fight you because you want to fight your brother, who I also want to fight!

CHRIS EVANS

And I’ll fight you both because I want you to stop fighting!

They proceed to act out their STATS from THE AVENGERS COLLECTIBLE TRADING CARD GAME and establish they are all EXACTLY EQUAL IN POWER, somehow. Guy on steroids, genius in a robot suit, invincible deity: basically identical.

CHRIS EVANS

Hang on a second, your hammer has decimated everything you’ve ever hit with it, you had no way of knowing my shield or Robert’s armor would protect us. Did you just attempt to straight-up murder us? Don’t change the scene, I want an answer to thi–

Happy Friday!

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Evil Overlord’s List

So I was wandering about the internet this morning, and came across this site, which I haven’t visited in years but still fondly remember as one of the funniest things I have ever read. It is a list, entitled The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord, and it’s hysterical. Here are some of my favourites:

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way — even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless — my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. “Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse.” Instead it will be more along the lines of “Push the button.”

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others’ lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

There are also more hilarious list items in Cell Block A and Cell Block B. Check it out!

Image credit: http://seemslegit.com/post/view/3627?search=evil

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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