Bumper Sticker Giveaway — Haikus + Winner!

Huzzah for spring!

This past weekend, I ran a haiku contest, where the best haiku-ist would win an awesome Imminent Danger bumper sticker featuring Varrin looking super sassy. The haikus are all in, and it’s time to announce the winner!

But first, the runners up …

Spring has come at last
Flowers and leaves are waking
Sneezes are coming

— Charles Yallowitz

By some lucky stroke of fate, I don’t actually have seasonal allergies–but I know plenty of people who do, so I know how much it sucks. Still, what’s a little sneezing when it means lovely sunshine and tweeting birds and all sorts of other Spring goodness?

My friend Michelle Proulx
Soon we’ll meet Camos again
As our half elf pair

— Denise Gow-Morse

This is, of course, in reference to the Pathfinder campaign I’m playing with Denise and her husband. Camos is the hilariously standoffish half-orc who has a serious chip on his shoulder and likes to say “That is acceptable” to basically any question posed. Also, I’m pretty sure he’s going to murder us in our sleep at some point. But I still love him.

Here is my exit
But it’s under construction
Welcome to Memphis

— Misha Burnett

This haiku reminds me of “Last Exit to Eden” by Amanda Marshall. I feel like getting into an old muscle car and driving off into the sunset.

Blowing a gale here
A spaceship would be useful
Off to build an Ark

— Paula Acton

Oh dear! I suspect the lovely Paula Acton was suffering through some icky weather when she wrote this haiku. I hope you got that Ark built in time!

And now, the winning haiku

All is dark and still.
The humans are now sleeping.
Soon, I must make noise.

— Thomas Weaver

This haiku ended up being the winner because I currently live with two dogs and three cats, and it just really spoke to me on an emotional level. Of my roommates’ five animals …

  1. Dog #1 likes to lick every inch of the kitchen floor and freak out at literally everything
  2. Dog #2 (puppy) likes to walk onto the pee pad, then scoot backwards juuuust enough to completely miss the pee pad while doing her thing
  3. Cat #1 likes to sit outside my roommates’ door at 7am and meow meow meow meow meow until they feed him
  4. Cat #2 likes to get locked in rooms, panic, and pee on the bed/couch/whatever soft and difficult-to-clean surface he can find
  5. Cat #3 likes to wait until I open my bedroom door, dart past me, run under my bed, and refuse to leave no matter what I do — oh, and he also likes to up-end garbage cans, shred toilet paper, taunt the dogs …

For the record, they are all very cute and generally quite pleasant and amusing to live with.

Anyhoo, Thomas Weaver is the big winner! His bumper sticker will be in the mail and on its way just as soon as I get his address and figure out how to package a bumper sticker that’s precisely one inch too long for an envelope.


Unrelated media of the day:

He just looks like a super chill dude …

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , , | 14 Comments

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14 thoughts on “Bumper Sticker Giveaway — Haikus + Winner!

  1. Like the “cows don’t care” attitude expressed with the long forelock and asymmetrical horns. Super chill bovine dude, indeed.

    I’ve been informed that the last line of the cat haiku should have been, “Soon, I must go rrrrarrrauwwwwwwrr.”

    (That’s the sound Ashley — adult kitten #3 of cat #2 — made early this morning as she raced around the house. I think it roughly translates as “Wake up, lazy biped! You’ve slept your three hours!”)

  2. Mary Michelle Scott

    Congratulations Thomas! And #2 is something my dogs do, too-when it rains and they refuse to get their paws wet. I have yet to understand the rationale! 🙂

    • Dogs are truly mysterious creatures. Luckily, the way into their hearts is easy and paved with treats and many utterances of “good boy/girl!”

  3. My son kind of does the ‘meow until fed’ thing. It’s more yell until looked at. 🙂

    • Hahaha oh good, because I thought for a second you meant he literally meowed, which actually isn’t all that weird because my brother meows all the time. Then again, he’s fairly insane, so there’s that …

  4. Neither Flint nor Butch would comment on the winning haiku.

    So since I didn’t win a sticker, can I buy one?

    • Lol. Sadly I can’t sell them, because I don’t have merchandising rights to the cute little Varrin cartoon. That being said, the next time I have reason to send you snail mail, I’ll see what I can do about slipping a bumper sticker in there.

  5. What a great selection! I completely sympathize with your predicament, living with two cats and a dog, although my clogged nose means I’d probably have voted for Charles 😀

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