Happy Saturday, everyone! As edits are progressing well with Chasing Nonconformity (Imminent Danger #2), I thought it high time to share the back cover blurb with you!
The story is set but the blurb isn’t, so if you have any suggestions for how to improve it, please by all means comment! Actually, that’s exactly why I’m sharing this today, so please let me know what you think. Heck, if you want to re-write it entirely, that’s “totes” cool with me.
Without further ado …
Chasing Nonconformity
(Imminent Danger #2)
Back cover blurb
Still recovering from the shock of accidentally marrying an exiled alien prince named
Varrin, and from almost getting her head blown off by a six-armed lizard man with anger
management issues, seventeen-year-old Eris Miller is ready for a vacation. But Varrin is
desperate to rescue his beloved spaceship, the Nonconformity, from the clutches of the
galactic government, so her vacation will just have to wait.While Eris and Varrin chase after the stolen ship, they are unaware that trouble is
brewing on the other side of the galaxy. The villainous Emperor of Rakor has assembled
an unlikely team to hunt down and capture Varrin: Prince Trystan (Varrin’s younger
brother), Sebara (Trystan’s electro-scimitar-wielding bodyguard), and Fino’jin
(commander of the deadly Skin Slicers).With enemies closing in, time running out, and the Nonconformity slipping further and
further from their grasp, Eris is forced to ask herself … what is she willing to sacrifice to
ensure her happily ever after?
There we have it! Comment, comment, comment, and my thanks in advance for any and all help provided.
Unrelated media of the day:
John Oliver tears into the Miss America pageant and it’s hilarious.
Michelle Proulx - Author 
It might be more engaging if it were tighter.
Difficult without reading the book to know which bits are the most important, so didn’t want to re-write too much. How about:
Still recovering from accidentally marrying an exiled alien prince named Varrin, and almost getting her head blown off by a six-armed lizard man with anger management issues, seventeen-year-old Eris Miller is ready for a vacation. But Varrin is desperate to rescue his beloved spaceship, the Nonconformity, from the clutches of the galactic government, so her vacation will just have to wait.
If that weren’t enough to ruin a girl’s month, the villainous Emperor of Rakor has sent Varrin’s brother to hunt down Varrin. With enemies closing in, time running out, and the Nonconformity slipping further and further from their grasp, Eris is forced to ask herself: how much is she willing to sacrifice to ensure her happily ever after?
Thanks for the input! Will definitely be re-working the second paragraph (I blame my mother for its wordiness, lol)
I like Dave’s suggestion, especially the beginning of the second paragraph. But it’s not clear what choices Eris has — is she helplessly dragged along on the search for the Nonconformity and flight from enemies, or is there something she can do to get back to her “real” life? A deal with the enemy, maybe? Some kind of exit door that won’t admit Varrin? A hint as to what choices she’s struggling with would help to spark interest.
Lol, I like your idea of an exit door that won’t admit Varrin. Poor Varrin, he’s like the little kid who can’t get into the cookie jar.
Thanks for the feedback 🙂 Will work on the blurb some more!
Ooh, exciting! The blurb – this can only mean one thing: publication date is approaching! 🙂
As for the blurb, Dave stole the words out of my mouth. It’s the middle part that seems a bit unnecessary, not really adding something to the plot: do we need to know the villains’ names from the go? It’s enough to know there will be trouble. So, I would have added the second paragraph’s first line to Dave’s version, and turned the second “vacation” into “honeymoon” to create something like this:
“Still recovering from accidentally marrying an exiled alien prince named Varrin, and almost getting her head blown off by a six-armed lizard man with anger management issues, seventeen-year-old Eris Miller is ready for a vacation. But Varrin is desperate to rescue his beloved spaceship, the Nonconformity, from the clutches of the galactic government, so her honeymoon will just have to wait.
While Eris and Varrin chase after the stolen ship, they are unaware that trouble is brewing on the other side of the galaxy. The villainous Emperor of Rakor has sent Varrin’s brother to hunt down Varrin. With enemies closing in, time running out, and the Nonconformity slipping further and further from their grasp, Eris is forced to ask herself: how much is she willing to sacrifice to ensure her happily ever after?”
The video was fun, but when I first read the title (in my email, as I subscribe to your fine blog), I read “Jamie Oliver” and had a very confusing first seconds when I clicked play… 😀
Well, at the very least the publication date is now in the foreseeable future, so that’s something! The middle part does indeed seem unnecessary. I blame my mother and her insistence on over-explaining everything. Tragically I can’t have Eris going on her honeymoon, since *SPOILER ALERT* she refuses to accept she and Varrin are married. But other than that, thanks very much for the feedback 🙂
Silly girl! I’d yell it in her ear, if I could. SHE’S MARRIED NOW! Why, there was the… erm… ceremony, and the (ahem) pendant and the (cough) vows… What more does she want?? 😀
I think she might have appreciated have a say in the whole marriage thing, lol. Girls like to know when you’re marrying them — makes for significantly fewer awkward conversations down the road.
I think it says too much in the second paragraph. Mostly listing the other villains, which comes off as an odd cast listing. Especially with the parenthesis. As a reader, I think it’d be more interesting to open the book and see the unlikely team within the story. That would make me keep reading to see how they get along and I’d be in the moment of their revelation. With them all mentioned on the cover, I’d have time to be going in with preconceived ideas. (I swear I’m trying to make sense here, but I don’t seem to be having any luck.)
Agree on the second paragraph. Re-reading, I just got bogged down in all the names. Will re-work 🙂
Yes, make it tighter. I agree with Dave and Nicholas. Although it is wonderful.
Thanks for the feedback 🙂 I’ll tighten ‘er up!
I agree with the others. The names of all the bad guys in the second paragraph aren’t needed.
Thanks for the feedback 🙂
I agree with the above. Here’s an even tighter version. I also chopped the cliche “time running out” ’cause there’s no indication why time’s an issue. But I also agree with Audrey that some hint of other crises facing Eris might be good.
“Still reeling from accidentally marrying an exiled alien prince named Varrin, and almost getting her head blown off by a six-armed lizard man with anger management issues, seventeen-year-old Eris Miller is ready for a vacation. But Varrin is desperate to rescue his beloved spaceship, the Nonconformity, from the clutches of the galactic government, so her honeymoon will just have to wait.
While Eris and Varrin chase the stolen ship, they are unaware trouble is brewing on the other side of the galaxy. The villainous Emperor of Rakor has sent Varrin’s brother to hunt him down. With enemies closing in and the Nonconformity slipping further from their grasp, Eris must ask herself: how much is she willing to sacrifice to ensure her happily ever after?”
Many thanks, Uncle Paul! Thou art truly a god amongst iguanas.
Sounds good. From a marketing perspective, my one concern is whether the second paragraph may give a little too much away (and then it seems a little too detailed with the who’s who). Having read the first book, the first paragraph was enough to rejuvenate my interest. That’s generally the point at which I would try to stop.
Yeah, I think you’re right on the second paragraph. I blame my mother for the excessive detail, lol. Thanks for the feedback!
Whilst everyone is focussed on the second paragraph, can I suggest the following for the first:
Still recovering from the shock of accidentally marrying Varrin, the exiled alien prince, and from almost getting her head blown off by an angry six-armed lizard man, seventeen-year-old Eris Miller is ready for a vacation. But Varrin is desperate to rescue his beloved spaceship, the Nonconformity, from the clutches of the galactic government. Her vacation will just have to wait
Very interesting! I’ll consider 🙂 Thanks for the feedback!
Pingback: A Vengeance of Angels – the proposed blurb | Andrew Toynbee's very own Blog